Thanks giving

We have a tradition in our home of saying what we are thankful for before we stuff our faces with the delicious Thanksgiving meal that I single-handedly and graciously slave over each year. It's usually a quick, round -table style so as not to get a poetic waxer infringing upon our much anticipated first bite. This year, I was truly thankful for several things, but one that stands out the most is EVOLUTION. I don't mean that in an anti-Christian, Darwinism kind of way. Well, not entirely. Let me backtrack just a bit...
I come from nay-sayers and crutch havers, as do most of my peers, because that is the way of our parents generation. Always an excuse as to why they can't. Sometimes it's expectation that keeps dreams from being followed, sometimes it's stubbornness. Mostly, though, it's fear. Or fear of failure to be exact, because somewhere along the timeline of life, they were told failure is bad. Failure, my sweet readers is NOT bad, actually. Nor is it anything to be ashamed of. The dark shadow that lurks over that word is nothing more than the opportunity to learn. More times than not,I bet in each failure you have, you increase the knowledge of yourself tenfold. And you experience life.
So back to evolution: I realized recently, that I had bought into that crutch-haver bullshit. I have unrealistic fear. I sell myself short. I believe the self-deprecating humor I use to buffer anxiety. I don't really set goals. I set myself up for failure with a self sabotaging attitude. I'm a quitter. When the going get's tough, I throw in the towel and turn on the TV. But, a few years ago, I did something out of the norm. I went back to college. Well, I went to college, because I never really started to begin with. Guess what happened? I did really well. So with that little self esteem boost I started doing other little things that were out of the norm for me. Last year I started running. It took me 20 minutes to gasp through my first mile, now I can bang out 2 miles without dying. Do I run marathons? NO! But I am doing something I once told myself I couldn't do. The biggest leap for Heather kind this year was Roller Derby. Roller Derby is a competitive, full contact sport. I am neither competitive or full contact. Derby is more than just a witty name and tiny shorts. These women are athletes. True. Strong. Tough. And I am becoming one of them.
On my very first practice, while I was trying to look cool and doing my best to hide my fear and intimidation and clearly failing at both, one of the veteran skaters told me, " it's 98% mental". She is right. And that applies to way more then derby. That's life, baby! 98% of life is about getting the bull we buy into OUT and the positive IN. It's a work in progress, I still fail all over the place; I can't do a cross-over when I skate, I'm currently on hiatus from school, I still get nervous before I blog. In that failure is evolution. I am no longer a crutch haver. I am evolving. And I am truly thankful for that.

a little bit of Manic

Some people get "Baby Fever". You know, that need to have another baby, or touch every newborn they come across. Gross. I get something known in my house as "House Fever". I have a desperate need, want, desire to buy a house and make it my own. Sometimes this "fever" last a few weeks, sometimes months, but regardless of how long it lasts, it's all consuming. I eat, sleep, breathe house hunting. I Google and drive by. I peek into windows (mostly unoccupied) and spend hours on-line doing video tours. My car gets cluttered with those info fliers you pull from the FOR SALE sign. Sometimes I even go so far as to hit up our local Realtor and set up walk throughs. It's bad.
I think, in part, it comes from being chronic renters. As a Military family, you never really know how long you'll be in one spot, so it makes buying a little more involved. You have to think farther into the future of how your potential home will turn into a rental or a sale. In this economy, no one can really afford a 3 year turnover on a home. Plus, I romanticize about the next house we buy being "The One". Our retirement, or at least the place where we settle for quite some time, maybe even pass down to our kids. I LOVE our little town and I would LOVE to buy here.
I think another reason I'm having some Fever is because there is only so much you can do to a rental to make it "yours". The walls stay white (even if several variations), the kitchen or bathrooms keep the same outdated fixtures, there's no remodel in sight. It gets kinda boring and I think you either lose some creativity in the drab, or you spark some creativity to add a little something special to make what is essentially a borrowed space your own.
I think that is where I am at the moment. There is no way we are buying anything anytime soon. We're looking at a PCS in June, we just took on another car payment, and I'm not looking at going back to work anytime soon. Plus, we have a FANTASTIC view of the sound and Olympic mountain range that we could never afford if not for this rental. Soooo... to try to squelch this fever, I have been on an "update" rampage in my house this week. I've updated some decor in our bedroom, completely re-arranged the upstairs great room ,kitchen and downstairs living room, and even done some touch ups to the bathrooms. And since I'm on a budget and believe in reducing commercialism to better our environment, everything has been either second hand (either from thrifts or online)or re-purposed items I already owned.
It's given me some control over my desire to buy a house, and my hectic life, and it feels good to change things up a bit. And at the end of the day, I feel good that I still have those last few dollars in the bank :)
I still have a few projects on the burner, but I'm hoping to settle back down by weeks end; I'm sure much to the delight of my husband. I still might have some house fever, but in the process I've weeded out some things that where clutter, made a few dollars and found a little bit of balance. And even some compliments form the other people who live in my domicile <3 Some tips to spruce up your look: **I am a lover of the Goodwill, but not everyone feels the same way. If you can't even consider using second hand curtains, fine, but you can use the Goodwill for other things. Americana is a very popular look right now, and if you stroll the aisles of your local Thrift, you will find little wooden shelves, metal candle holders and picture frames for super cheap. All you need is a can of matte black spray paint, and you've got yourself some do-it-yourself decor. **Move items from one room into another. If that cute bathroom shelf if just collecting dust, move it into the kitchen and add hooks to hang some teacups or coffee mugs. Does that old dresser have sentimental value but no real purpose? Add some paint or go to www.vinylwallart.com and pick some reusable decals to spruce it up. ** Take a walk through your garage or storage shed. My bet is it is overflowing with random crap that can either be re-purposed (i.e, use some older curtain rods to hang quilts/blankets) or sold on many of the online sales sites for extra cash

in your pocket(one of my favs is www.lewisyardsales.com, look for a bookoo in your area)

*********PICS**********

The framed pictures are actually sheets from an old calendar I found at the Goodwill for a buck. Had the frames already, just switched out the pictures. The shelf was an ugly pinkish color I did a haphazard spray paint on. Another Thrift find for $2.50.

The picture of my dining room shows an old Avon collectibles (Dereks Grandmothers) we display and my grandmothers dresser (which lived through an apartment fire) I use now as a buffet.

girls (and boys) just wanna have fun

I know I've been Debbie Downer for a few weeks, and from what I hear, so have some of me sweet readers! Life is hectic. And hard. And often times unrewarding. It's human nature to get caught up in the rut and forget our many blessings. Negativity is contagious. But you know what else is? Laughter. And Fun.
I was inspired to have some good old fashioned fun from a Facebook friend who had a little vacay with her significant other. Every picture posted was smiles and good times and silliness,something I have really been missing lately. So last weekend, I took the opportunity to let loose, and I had one heck of a night. Possibly one of the best nights I've had in years.
It all started with a mandatory Military Formal. I usually dislike these events because it's like a high school prom. Only slightly more snobby. Noisy dresses, tight up-dos and wives riding the coattail of their decorated soldier. As my husband is an Officer, I am surrounded by wives who take these things waaaaaay too seriously. I am also forced to be in the same space as people who, for whatever reason (probably because I'm too fun)dislike me or like me too much.

So this Ball started pretty much the same way. I was miffed at the price of the tickets, irritated at the start time, and put out that my husband was tasked to aid a General, and was to accompany said General to the Ball instead of me! I was stag to my own husbands formal. So lame. Luckily, I was able to meet up with one of my single ladies in the parking lot to get a little Amaretto Sour courage. Now, I don't know if it was from the Rangers spanking the Yankees in game 3, or that I was looking (and feeling) fierce in my $60 dress,silky hair and mega-makeup, but once I hit that parking lot, I was READY for a good time. I usually have to get a little tanked to get through these things without saying something I'll regret to someone who thinks they're important, so first stop was the bar. Ahhh... the overpriced bar is my friend. And so is starting a tab. While working on my second drink in ten minutes, in walks one of my dearest friends, looking fabulous in a dress I loaned her, because like me, she too thinks it's ridiculous for a grown woman to wear Taffeta and fuck-me pumps. Then another friend and her husband meet me at the bar and the next thing I know I'm surrounded by good friends, laughter and FUN! Did I mention my husband was looking oh-so-good in his Dress Blues?

Somehow after party plans were made while sitting through the formal portion and oddly enough, WE were part of them. Oh trouble. But I'm getting ahead of myself... because once the formal portion was over, it was Patron and hot dancing to a bad DJ. I even got Derek to push me around the floor with a two-step. We felt the need for speed in our aviator glasses as we stole a friends camera, and Derek pimped out a coworker to the SGM on the dance floor! Oh.. the looks we got were incredible. Our behavior was offensive to some, I hear. I call those people assholes. Did we drink a bit too much? Maybe. Were we loud and obnoxious? Sure. Did we have fun? Hells yes!! Because that's what those things are for right? Comradeship? Fraternity? FUN? Who cares if I do the roger rabbit in my bare feet? If the Colonel and his wife are enjoying the dance floor and gettin' their groove on, why shouldn't I? And ohhh Lord how I did. I think I danced to every good song... when I wasn't at the bar. I even interrupted a conversation to hit it to Ice Ice Baby. We basically closed the place down... I was getting nervous they would run out of top shelf vodka! Just when we thought it was time to head to the car to sober up with the Better Cheddars and Monster I had stashed, we found ourselves en route to Tacoma to meet up at a friends house and walk over to the meat market known as the Swiss. First off, a big shout out to our LDS friends the Louks for being non-drinkers and awesome DD's!Secondly, Liz, your apartment was the perfect distance from fun to home.
So after using shitty kitchen shears to hack up a friends formal dress and make it club appropriate, we were off( me and D still in ball gear) to shake shake shake shake a-shake it some more. Now, the great thing about going to a club as a 35 year old, is you realize what a dipshit you were at 25 and make amends with it. And man, it must have been cougar night fo sho! The people watching was amazing, but the laughter from our table was the BEST. So much fun had in one night, I can't even tell the whole story on one little blog. Great friends, good fun and LOTS of laughs was exactly what I needed to lift the funk I was in.
So if you start to feel the stress of too much real life, grab some friends put on your Sketchers and head out for a good time. And if you're like me, you won't come home 'till 3am!

CRAFT TIME

Ahhh... Fall.The changing colors of the trees, cooler weather and sweaters. The best thing about Fall, though? HALLOWEEN! My favorite holiday. "Why?", you ask. No, not because I love scary, gory creeps and crawlies, although those things are fun. I have always felt that Halloween ushers in the whole Holiday season, even if it doesn't get the full credit.
Every year at this time, the weather starts to change, I get my soup recipes out and we have a family ritual of going through our Halloween/Fall storage boxes and finding treasures we forgot we had. Yes, we decorate for Halloween. Not just pumpkins and fake spider webbing, either. I have scarecrows and light up jack-o-lanterns; Fall wreaths and random craft the kids make. I love to take a trip to the Goodwill and see what fantastic thing I can find to make my own. This year, I was inspired by Dia de los Muertos, also known as Day of the Dead (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead). While I'm not of Mexican heritage, I have always been moved by this celebration of life. Our family has experienced our fair share of death and sadness, and I think that this observance is a wonderful way to honor those who have passed on. So, as a way to blend my love of Halloween and appreciation of the Dia de los Muertos holiday, we did a little family craft to start our own shrine. I'll be adding to this as the month goes on, but here are our crafts to start.
* the "Sugar Skulls" Are some black and gray glitter Styrofoam skulls I picked up at Ross for like 3 bucks. We added some patches(with glue) and some glitter paint to pizzaz them up. I think they turned out pretty awesome.
* The bucket was a Goodwill find that I spray painted black and decoupaged some Day of the Dead images I found online at http://www.fabricfreak.bigcartel.com and motherhenna.blogspot.com. I added some butterfly stickers and some fake floral for fun.
* last is the candle holder. While it's not really Dia de los Muertos-ish, I thought it was super cool looking. Another Goodwill find, it was a scratched up silver-y, brass-y that a sprayed black and added a large pillar I had laying around. It will fit a taper as well. I like the attached flame snuffer, I think it adds a Gothic charm that is always great for this time of year and it will make a cool backdrop for the framed pictures of our loved ones we plan to display.

I'm not a very crafty person, but Halloween seems to be my muse, and the kids are really into it too! This weekend: finishing up the costumes for the kids. I'm so excited this year. Ruby is going as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas and Gracie is The Corpse Bride. This is gonna be an EPIC Halloween!

love is a battlefield

I think this blog is about to get a little too personal, but it is, after all, supposed to be not only cathartic, but practice for the real deal so here goes.

So I have been feeling a little off lately. OK, no. That's a lie. I've been feeling fed up and sick and tired and just plain DONE. I've even been pondering, for the last week or so, a change in my marital status. I don't think I really thought the "D" word, but I did ponder separation, and the logistics of that kind of decision.

Let's rewind. Let me take you back 14 years ago when I, a young single mom working as a waitress married a ridiculously good looking young Marine. We thought we could survive off of love, BAH and Taco Bell. And we did. We moved to Texas, bought a house, had two more beautiful kids and life was working. For a while. But then it wasn't. We lost our jobs, had to sell our house and nearly lost our minds. But we managed to get through it together. Was it love? Stubbornness? Craziness?

And for that last few years, we've been reintroducing ourselves to each other every time Derek returns home from another deployment. I would be lying again if I said that the every-other-year separation doesn't take it's toll. Because it does. With each deployment I became more self sufficient, and while some people may think that is an oxymoron for a Housewife, it's unforgivingly true.Sometimes, when you're the only one here to get things done, you get used to not depending on another person for help. Not even the person you promised to be a partner in life with. No one is at fault here, it's just the nature of the beast. And the beast doesn't give two shits about how it effects your marriage.

So here we are, back to me contemplating this thing called marriage. See, 14 years later, I'm far too smart, or learned, or worldly to believe that you can count on love to make it work, because I do love my husband and the thought of living my life without him in it is paralyzing. But I guess my unhappiness stems from not knowing what role we actually play in each others lives anymore. We're hardly partners. Are we friends with benefits? Are we in some sort of marital limbo, where we go through the motions, but we don't actually progress or evolve? Would we be better not together than we are together? And I guess my biggest question is; are my doubts normal?

BIG SIGH... 14 years is going to produce peaks and valleys, and we've always weathered the storms together. At the end of the day, I know divorce isn't an option. I don't want it to be, and even if I have contemplated it,I would never uproot my kids, nor would I ever want Derek to be a weekend dad.
And I love him. Godammit I love that man with my whole heart and regardless of how hard it is to be with him sometimes, it's always twice as hard to be without him.

I just laughed out loud, realizing, you can survive on love. I'm doing it right now. And I have my Blog to prove it.

the definition of a Housewife

Ever googled the word "Housewife"? Wikipedia dumbs it down to "... a married female who does not work outside the home." Funny, because I feel as though I work my ass off from 7:30 am to 10:30 pm most days,and my car would agree. Merriam-Webster states I am a "married woman in charge of a household." Is it strange that none of the definitions say anything about being a maid? Or a doormat. But conversely that is exactly how I have felt lately.
I run a home, not a restaurant. What I make for dinner is what you will eat. If you have somehow become repulsed by the food I have spent years perfecting to your tastes, make yourself a sandwich. In case you don't know, I actually spend several hours a week planning a menu, clipping coupons and revolving our dinner choices around your suggestions.

I'm not a maid. I will do the laundry, vacuum, and all the other random chores that need to be done, because I "run a household". You all have chores, DO THEM. When you drop/spill/break something, clean it up. We don't have an "oops" fairy, if you notice your pencil shavings have vanished from the floor where you left them, I CLEANED IT UP. I took time away from the items on my "TO DO" list, to clean up after you.

My time is just as important as your time. I don't actually sit and wait for you to have a problem you need me to fix. If I worked outside the home, would I get as many calls and texts regarding randoms "emergencies". The answer is HELL TO THE NO. If I am in the middle of something, don't interrupt me. If you need something done ASAP, you should have told me about it when you actually found out about it. I do not mind helping you, but don't expect me to drop what I am doing to fix your problem unless you're bleeding or vomiting. This includes when i am away from the house or in the bathroom.

Just like a park, the house should be left in better condition than you found it. I spend a good portion of my day undoing the living that goes on in our domicile. I'm not asking you to clean the toilet with your toothbrush,but I don't want to walk through the house at ten o'clock and find messes all over the area I spent cleaning.

Learn to communicate. I am not a translator nor should I need to mediate every conversation. If your question starts by asking me something about someone else in this household i want you to do this : Stop. Think about what you're going to say. Ask the appropriate person. In the really real world, you bring up your issues to people directly.

Lastly, I have feelings too. I am not here to be your punching bag. I work VERY hard to ensure you have what you need.I shop for you, I clean for you, I pick up random odds and ends, I drop off forgotten lunches. I bring you goodies when you need them, I send you encouraging words when I know you have stress. I put you in your place when you need some grounding and I teach you that the world isn't fair, you will get hurt or angry or disappointed, but you will always have a family that loves you. While I do it because I love you, it doesn't mean that you should take it for granted. Everyone needs to feel appreciated.
Even Housewives.

better intentions

So my summer of blogging was pretty un-bloggy. For several reasons, really, but the most important being this; my eldest daughter is a senior in high school and it dawned on me about mid July that this was our last summer together as a family. Sadness. In June of next year we will be off to Virginia for six months of military school, and she will stay here in Washington to finish her AA. After that none of us know what we'll be doing or where we'll be headed. So, mostly for that reason, I put the blogging on hold and traded that time for, well, time. I hope I spent it well. I think I did. There are already some conversations I would like to take back, some I still need to have, but for the most part, I think this summer we really focused on doing things as a family, and just spending time doing the small stuff together. Summer went a little too quick for me, but we have a whole school year left, and we plan to make the best of it. These are the last birthdays, dances, Holidays and random moments we will spend together as a full family. It's bittersweet, really. But I think this will be a test in strength for all of us. We have raised a little girl into a young women, and soon we will send her off into the world to be a functioning (hopefully) adult. It's scary and exciting and very blog-worthy!!
So here's to the end of summer! Maybe we didn't mark all our to-do's off our list, but sometimes re-prioritizing helps us accomplish more.

pardon my offensiveness

There are two places I loathe and avoid like the plague: Wal-Mart and the Commissary. I had to visit both today. I'm sure I'm about to piss some people off, but as an American, I'm just as entitled to my opinion as any other jask-ass out there, and since this is MY blog, I'm going to give my two cents.

We all know why Wal-Mart is bad. I don't even need to explain my trip. Just go on over to http://www.peopleofwalmart.com and that really says it all. they draw you in with there cheap ass prices, but think about it America, is it really worth it?

So I shall tell a tale of the Commissary, since this is an experience so many of my civilian friends miss out on. It's similar to Wal-Mart in many ways, yet uniquely military, in that it's an on post(or base) grocery store. For the past year, I've avoided doing my shopping there,mostly because I was never really on post much, and well, I HATE going. But I have to admit the prices are great, and I've noticed they now carry some harder-to-find items I keep on my list ( I love you Terra chips and Fage). Dammit. So today, after the gym, I took my trusty coupon organizer, small grocery list and weekly menu on over to the suckiest place on earth, and let me tell you, I was not left disappointed. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, my regret hit me: CASE LOT SALE. Ugh. Case lot sale is a tent in the parking lot where you can buy bulk items (a la Costco). The MilSpouse does love cases of canned peas and whatnot. What does this mean to me? Crappy parking in an already crappy parking lot. I usually park in the outskirts anywhoo, to avoid being backed into, or backing over an unsupervised child, but the case lot sale means more people lolly-gagging in the aisles, and blocking to driveway. Grrr. Once inside, though a calm came over me when I noticed that, although the parking lot was a nightmare, the actual store was quiet. Nice. Another plus: the usually grody-looking produce looked fairly un-grody. "Maybe I've been too hard on the old Commissary" , I thought to myself and just as I was checking out the nectarines it happened; the shrill scream of a preschooler, followed by a bag of marshmallows being thrown in the face of his elementary school brother, followed by elementary school brother screaming "KNOCK IT OFF!!!", followed by out-to-here preggers mom yelling "ENOUGH!!".
I would love to say that this was just an isolated incident, and the rest of my now rushed shopping experience was pleasant, but alas, this wouldn't really be a blog worthy story now would it?
So it seemed that out-to-here preggers mom with three unruly boys ( all under 7 I would say) and I were on the same shopping path. Crap. I actually skipped three aisles, just to meet up with them in the frozen section, hearing her yell down each row for her children to behave, not to hit, and to keep their hands to themselves. I skillfully dodged tater tots being torn out of moms hands and tossed at, not to, young toddler in cart. Did she even acknowledge me? Of course not. I realized two things in that moment: 1.)Thank God I don't have to take my kids to the grocery store with me anymore and 2.) When did manners become passe`?
Before you get all judgmental on me, I realize kids act up. They whine and ask for things they know they can't have. No kid I know enjoys the grocery errand. This situation was beyond that. Several people in the store made comments about mom yelling and threatening. She wasn't quiet about it. And whatever she was saying was falling on deaf ears anyhow.
Of course, this is only one of the reasons i dislike the Commissary. But it happens EVERY TIME I go. And other times, I will run in to some random spouse who dislikes me, of course, when I look my worst. Or a spouse who likes me, but I avoid because i didn't feel the love connection. Or I have to slowly snake through aisle after aisle of snails pace rascal driver, high heeled hoochie mamma dressed for trickin'(who needs to shop for perishables in a fox fur, mesh shirt and leather mini?) and family of 8 with three shopping carts. Then once I'm done gathering my edibles, I get to wait in line for a number to be called,show my ID, ask for paper and then pay an older than dirt Korean grandma to haul my heavy ass basket to my car so she can earn a tip to support her retired American soldier,
Yeah, fine, I'm a bitch for wanting to get in and out of the store with my cart full of items and no headache. I'm not proud of my thoughts during these adventures, which is why I avoid going in the first place. Alas, I have to budget like everyone else, and at least it's not Wal-Mart.

it's been a while...

Greetings Sweet Readers!! How are you? Time sure flies when you're having... a life.
So, it's been a few since I last put manicured fingers to keyboard, but I have so much fun and exciting news to share.
In the last weeks (months) since I blogged, we have experienced a loss in the family ( Rest in Peace sweet Meemaw Dorothy), A homecoming ( Derek made it home last month YAY!), A Family Vacation ( Oahu suckers) and the end of yet another school year (God save me from summer vacation). There have been, of course, so many things in between those major events, but I don't have the memory I once did, nor do I have the desire to yakity-yak about 6 weeks worth of my life and it's randomness. I do plan to blog on the regular, and I will be posting soon, a thorough account of our fabulos-o North Shore vacation, not just to brag, but also to give some good tips on travel in that area. And now to pimp out my new blog:
I've decided to have some adventures this summer,with the help of my kiddos and some good friends, and I hope to drag Derek along for a few too. I am going to be blogging about these adventures in the South Sound area, and while my blog is going to be geared mostly at Mil Families stationed and or visiting the area, I'm sure those of you non-locals will find some interest. My days are rarely boring. So hop on over to http://whatsgoindowninthesouthsound.blogspot.com/ in the next few days and check out whats goin' down.

...i'll be back...

I am working on finishing some blog drafts I started, but I don't know how to Edit the date, So they will post in the month I started them, dangit!
New post last night Titled The Deployment Bed Is listed in February

4 more weeks

I haven't blogged in a while. I have a million things going on, kids, school., PTA, and I have a few drafts saved, but I really haven't had too much of interest to say. Or I guess I really haven't been able to organize thought to word. It just hasn't been a priority. But tonight I had one of those moments, where emotion grabs you and makes you feel. And it had been such a long time that I felt like this, so long, that I hadn't even noticed I was missing it, and I just had to get it down on "paper".

My dad has gotten me hooked on "Parenthood". It's a great show, and the characters are interesting and its easy to get lost in the writing. Tonight there was a scene, at the end, where a couple where laying in bed together, talking about their son, when the son came in and crawled in bed with them, and it was supposed to be this perfect family moment for them, and then the husband,realizing how perfect an imperfect life can be, brushes his wife's forehead with his thumb. And I FELT that brush on my forehead. For a split second, I actually remembered what it felt like for Derek to be here with me, to touch my forehead, to FEEL him here. I was in a moment of life , happening in real time, with him. And then I blinked and it was gone.
So for those of you who want to know what going through a deployment is like. It's just like that. One minute your husband is here with you living a life, and the next minute, he is a soldier, miles away from you living a completely different life and all you really have is those moments of life you catalog in your mind and sometimes something as simple as a tv show can trigger that memory and for just a moment you feel peace and warmth and perfection. And then it's just you sitting in bed, tapping away at your netbook wondering if you even came close to conveying what you were feeling.

that "small" annoyance

Have you ever had something you enjoyed doing nearly ruined by an annoying person? The drunk guy at the baseball game, the obnoxious laugher in the movie theater, the loud talker at the restaurant. Well, this week I have had that ongoing experience and I might be at my breaking point. None of us like awkward situations, and I, for one, am not a fan of confrontation, especially with strangers and near acquaintances, but I also dont want the one thing I do just for myself ruined by an overdo-er.
So my issue is this; I go to this really awesome gym, as some of you already know. And I love it. Everyone there is fun, and we have a good time, and its a very positive experience for the most part. Except for this ONE person, who I rarely have had to train with us as they are usually in a different class. This person is a "look at me" person. Loud, obnoxious, always correcting others without being asked, talking over the other trainers, and generally a pain in the ass. This person has the attitude that everyone should be doing prescribed WOD's, and if you don't, you aren't "in". Well this person has been in my class this week, and I'm beginning to dread my workouts. I am interrupted more times than I need to be, and their is tension in the air. I want to say, " Hey, PERSON, your form ain't so hot either. And I don't care to snatch 65lbs, nor do 100 burpees in a day, nor do I feel the need to compete against a white leader board." The spirit of Crossfit is to push yourself to do better than the last minute/workout/weight. Not to push others where you cant succeed.
SO I am sitting here, still in bed, pondering if I should go to class today and face this annoyance. I guess I can at the very least drive by and see who's in the gym. Ugh. Here goes...

Technology

I honestly believe that technology will be to blame for the downfall of our society. I know, it sounds so very James Cameron of me, but everything is done via computer chip these days. We bank online, we bill pay online,we go to school online, we make appointments online, we do our taxes and we even communicate with loved ones online. Our pictures, recipes, phone books are all on our computers. How many of you have important documents on your hard drive? And don't get me started on my cell phone. I honestly only have one phone number in my cell phone book memorized, and i literally take it with me everywhere except the shower. When I leave the house, I check things in this order: Phone, military ID, kids. It's ridiculous how dependent I am on my cell phone, my computer and WIFI, but in my defense, its this stupid technology that keeps me connected with my constantly deployed husband. I HAVE to keep my phone by my side, as he could call me at any time, and nothing is worse than missing a chance to hear your deployed spouses voice. And I have to check my computer 75 times a day to see if he's emailed me, updated his Facebook status, or is on yahoo. So I guess in reality, technology is a wonderful thing, but when it doesn't work, the headache, heartache and plain old frustration it causes is crazy. Ever spent half a day trying to set up a network, or troubleshooting wy your computer isn't picking up the wireless signal? Or ever dropped everything to run to the cell phone store because your cell phone stopped working and you cant wait 24 hours to see if it will fix itself because you need a working cell phone NOW!!I'm almost ashamed at my addiction, and at the same time, am frustrated that I don't yet own a smartphone! I only recently got a DVR, and until this year we remained a one TV family. I know, I can hear the virtual gasp. Oh technology, I love you so, but at the end of the day, if you break, stop functioning within the realm of my knowledge, or need yet another upgrade, I am lost in a sea of panic and confusion. We can't go back to the way things were, I wouldn't even want to. But I know I want all memories back off my corrupted hard drive.

life and other mishaps

Today started off more pleasant than normal, but slowly, near silently ended in epic fail. How does this even happen? How can we go from bliss to stress in a matter of hours? Life, that's how. The unforeseeable future. It always rears its ugly head just when we're at our happiest, testing our strength, our resolve, our sanity. It comes in the form of mouthy teenagers, cluttered garages and financial aid offices that don't return calls. Sometimes life is something like an overgrown backyard, that takes some elbow grease and putting your back into it. Other times, it's a broken down car that could have used some TLC yesterday to keep it running today. Ahhh and this is where the 20/20 of hindsight comes in. Sometimes we see life coming right at us, and we ignore the signs. We get cocky. We think life wont do it to us again. We're above it. Life is an equal opportunity pain in the ass. And most times, Life succeeds in fucking shit up. But after Life's rampage, it always leaves us with clarity, accomplishment and perseverance.
Friedrich Nietzsche said "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger" . Very True. It doesn't kills us,it pisses us off. But it does make us stronger. So here's to the unforeseeable future; you may have ruffled my feathers and raised my blood pressure, but you didn't break me. Not today, anyway.

i think i feel a fever coming on

ok, here we go. In light of today's political events, which I'm sure half of the nation didn't even realize was happening, I feel the need to address, or at the very least wax opinionated, about health care. I don't want to get into a political debate, and this blog was never meant to be a political forum for me or my sweet reader, so I will say my peace and leave it at that.

I am definitely not against health care reform. But I am also for being an advocate for your own health, and being PROACTIVE in your health care. I am afraid this bill will make it tougher for the normal Joe to actually get his issues treated correctly, promptly and to his satisfaction. I can give you a PERFECT example of this. Ready? Take notes:

I have government health care. My husband is in the Army, I go to an Army clinic. Now, this clinic has a mix of Army and civilian practitioners, but the Doctors are still Government employees. I have an issue with my left arm. One day its just not working properly. After some internet research, and family background investigating, I come to the conclusion that I have some sort of Neuropathy. I call my insurance 800 number to make an appointment, and I am told I MUST see my Primary Care Manager (PCM) to get a referral, and the next appointment isn't for 8 days. I cant go 8 days with my arm this weak, I explain, and also, I might need to have an MRI. They get me an appointment to the Air Force clinic for that afternoon. I am somewhat relieved I am being seen, but this is not my PCM, I fear I wont get my referral, and even if I do, I HAVE to see my PCM for a follow-up, and will have to go through the exact same office visit with someone else. I also have to double check that my chart and information gets sent to my clinic. For some reason I am not allowed to hand deliver MY OWN chart information. So I see this doc, and thankfully he does get me a referral to a neurologist and for an MRI. WOO HOO. I have to wait 48 hours for my referral to go through, and when i call and check , they give my the neurologist across the street! Things are looking very good, I'm getting excited because i feel like i'm going to get to the bottom of why I cant lift my purse onto my shoulder. So I see this offpost Dr.and he basically tells me there is nothing wrong with me. Its all in me head, he doesn't see an issue, even after I show him several examples of how I cant lift my freakin arm :( He asks me to come back for a follow up after I get my MRI results. Not likely I think to myself. Now for my MRI, I had to wait almost a week, but in the defense of the MRI place, I could have gotten in sooner if I would have come in for an MRI between 1am-3:30am. I go in for my traumatizing MRI of my head, and when its over, I am told they will send my results to my PCM. I explain I need to take a hard copy with me, as I am seeing a neurologist off post. This is a no go, as the person who makes the copies is gone for the day (it's 5pm on Friday) BUT I can get it on Tuesday (3 day weekend) after 12:00 pm if I go to Madigan (our Army Hospital). So, I wait the weekend, after waiting all week, to find out if I have brain trauma causing my arm to function improperly. It was a little stressful. Tuesday arrives, and I drive over to Madigan, get lost three different times looking for the place i need to be, but finally after a 20 minute wait I get the results of my MRI, on a disc which I am supposed to take to my PCM OR my neurologist to have explained to me. Grrrrrr. So I call BOTH. I cant get in to see my PCM for 4 days, and the neurologist scheduled me for that week already, for a different issue, but I am told to bring my disk along and he will review it and get back to me. REALLY??? The next day, I get a voice mail from the Air Force clinic (thanks for sending it to my PCM like you said you would), with my results, which I am told look "O-kaaaaay" in the sense that it isnt perfect. So, I am now scared.
Come to find out, i had a sinus cyst, but my brain looked normal. Great news!!! Except for the fact that my arm is still jacked up, and now I get to start from square one which is trying to get in to see my PCM, for my fifteen minute window of an appointment, to try to figure out again what the hell is wrong with my arm.

For any of you who are still with me at this point, thanks for hanging in there. I know that was a boring, long-winded tale. and I have many more just like it. Kiss getting your sick kid into the doc on the same day goodbye. Kiss personal service goodbye.
Right now, this very moment take responsibility for your health. Don't wait. Be aggressive about getting your questions answered, and for the love of Christ, don't assume your Doc knows you better than you know you!

Here's to the downward spiral of, not only health care as we know it, but society.

good luck

parenting

my hiatus is over...

Ever see that Spongebob episode where squidward punches himself in the face? If you haven't, yuotube that shit, its hilarious. If you HAVE then you will most likely get my parenting analogy.
Parenting is much like punching yourself in the face...or maybe what i mean to say is parenting makes you WANT to punch yourself in the face?
Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, and I realize how blessed I am to be able to be home with them. I don't have to miss out on meetings, or call in when they're sick, I don't have the stress of juggling home life and a career, because thus far, they ARE my career. I love this life. I really do. But the last few weeks have been trying to say the least. Maybe its the stress of deployment, we are actually able to count in single digit weeks, and we ALL just want it to be over. Maybe I've got too much on my plate and haven't made quality time with them a priority. OR Maybe my kids are being disrespectful little turds, in need of some good old fashioned discipline. We've run the gamut here lately from sassy talk, farting at the dinner table, interrupting mid-lecture, the other day, Ruby actually pulled an Ace Ventura butt talk on me, mocking my nagging. WTF? There is only so much pillow screaming one mom can do before she just starts to lose it. And the sad part is, i only have myself to blame for their awfulness, as I have been the lone parent. So when Gracie says "dammit" when she drops something, that's entirely on me. When Ruby rolls her eyes, or argues back, it's my attitude coming back to bite me. And When Patience talk to me like I'm her peer, and not with the respect she should have for the woman who brought her into this world, I see myself talking at my mother.. the same disrespect and selfishness. As all you mothers who read this can attest, my childrens' failures are my failures, because my job is to raise them, and all that that implies. But today, I also remembered that what that also implies is discipline and punishment. Providing consequence for action. Follow through. Ahhhh, so much easier said then done, right? So after a rough nite of parental mistakes and failures I feel the need to vent
Why do I have to ask you 5 times to put your plate in the sink, when i did the same thing yesterday? Putting your plate in the sink isn't a new task. I didn't just come up with this rule. Where so dirty clothes go? That's right, in the dirty clothes basket. If you know this, why is it nearly impossible for you to put it into action? Since when is it ok to bite/hit/put your sister in a box? Why did I just pull 6 DIFFERENT dirty socks from your dresser? And WHY do you want me to yell at you? If I ask you to do a task, do it NOW. Not at your leisure, dont ask your sister to do it, and for heaves sake DON"T complain about how much YOU do around here. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pick your shit up and put it AWAY!!!
Whew, see what i mean about punching yourself in the face?

Tomorrow I turn over a new leaf. It will be less yelling and threatening, and more follow through. I refuse to be the woman with a**holy kids acting like heathens. I will instill respect and, with luck, humbleness and gratitude. And if I fail... I can blame it on the Army and the deployment rotations :)
Wish me luck!!

Discovering a passion

The title is misleading. This isnt so much about me finding my passion as it is about me nurturing passion found.
A few days ago, Gracie watched some Ice Skating highlights, and proudly announced she wants to go to the Olympics as an Ice Skater. Now that I think of it, I think it was Johnny Weirs' black and pink ensemble that caught her attention. "Awwww, how cute", I thought and started asking her all sorts of what-if style questions about her future role as an Olympian. We played "make believe ice skater" for a while before bed and she made me promise to sign her up for lessons. I thought this would be perfect scheduling, since Ruby has been begging me for like a year to also sign her up for ice skating lessons. I started reveling in the idea of them having lessons on the same day, and how much time would be saved not shuffling them around to different activities. Both girls have been talking nonstop about it for days. Every Wednesday they ask to go to "cheap-skate" night at the local rink.I usually come up with some crappy excuse not to go. My excuses are over.
Today we went down to the rink with some friends, and for the first time I realized, this isn't just and activity. This is something they LOVE to do.And they're pretty good at it. Have you ever witnessed your kids be fearless? Its amazing. Its a perfect moment. As Mothers (and Fathers too), we strive to raise self sustaining, GOOD and DECENT humans. And to be there in a moment where your kids are passionate and free is just amazing. I had that blessed moment today, and it made me think; maybe I am raising and Olympic athlete. All those kids had were passion, determination and a parent who saw those two things and nurtured it. Do I have what it takes to be a devoted, run-me-all-over-town Ice skater mom? I don't know. I am looking forward to finding out.
Maybe this is about discovering my passion after all.

slacking

Its Friday night, and i'm about four long blinks from being asleep for the night (at 9:45). The two things keeping me awake are my usual 10:30 date with Derek via yahoo messenger, and the need to get some blog time in.

I'm hoping to tackle some military spouse issues very soon, but until i get down to a routine, my sweet readers will have to survive on little anecdotes of my crazy days.

I have come to the conclusion that I am raising a Diva. No, not Patience, my 16 year old. Gracie, our baby, turned 6 on Wednesday. I started the day a little melancholy, thinking this was the last 6th birthday we were going to celebrate in the Foster household. But as the morning progressed, that lament turned into relief, as Gracie proceeded to let everyone know it was her "special" day and basically we were all to bow to her majesty. She scolded my dad for not buying her a gift (he did, in fact get her a gift), while waiting for daddy to log onto yahoo after breakfast, she yelled at the computer that he was "wasting her morning" and that she couldn't and SHOULDN'T have to wait to open her gifts. When he finally did log on, she opened Pates presents with a "wow, thanks, a book" spoken in her best sarcastic. When I picked her and Ruby up from school, I used the drive up line, rather than the park and pick-up routine, and was promptly met with "What took you so long?". I explained that I had been running around all afternoon for HER "special" day, and i wasn't wearing a rain jacket, therefore i chose not to wait out in the rain. I also had to tell her that I had trouble setting up her brand new leapster, so she would have to wait until after dinner to play. The waterworks started. THe howls of discontent began and the dissatisfaction with my ability to do erupted. The birthday girl ended up spending the afternoon of her "special" day sitting on her bed in her room, having some quiet time to reflect on her piss poor attitude.
Part of me secretly wished she might sail off and become the queen of the wild things. As it is, you can never stay upset with a dramatic 6 year old for long.I gave her a reprieve after about 40 minutes, so we could enjoy the best birthday corned beef ever, and continued to cater to our little attitude adjusted princess the rest of the evening, ending the night with few rounds on the leapster, and a tag book in bed. And as she snuggled up to me, I did kinda wish, just for a second, I could freeze that moment and keep her my baby just a little bit longer.

the deployment bed

I figured since my blog name is the Manic MILITARY wife, I should write about something military-esque. I mean, it just makes sense, right?

While on the phone with Derek this afternoon, we broached on a subject that I find so comical, yet I can really only commiserate with my other military spouse friends, because the humor is lost on those who have their loved one next to them each night. Try and follow along.

Derek has had trouble sleeping lately, which I find so hard to believe because when at home, he is usually snoring before I've gotten myself comfortable. So, aside from rude building mates and random maintenance,he really just misses being home. I on the other hand, am just the opposite. I have been sleeping like a freakin' rock. Dead to the world until my alarm goes off, most nights barely noticing one of the kids climbing in to the empty space reserved usually as "Derek's side". But it wasn't always like this, and so is the evolution of the deployment bed.

Deployment Uno - When Derek first deployed, the first time, we had spent only a few days apart EVER in our marriage. Weird right? So when he first left, I couldn't sleep to save my life. Which was unfortunate, because I was working, had an infant, a toddler and a tween. Sleep wasn't something i could afford to miss out on. It took me quite a while before I was able to get into a bedtime routine for myself. That first deployment, I read the ENTIRE Left Behind Series.That's how much i didn't
sleep. I guess I didn't move much, either, because all I had to do in the morning to make my bed, was smooth MY side. Derek's side was virtually untouched. It took about 12 seconds to pull the comforter up to the pillows, fold back and tuck. I didn't move from my safe corner of the bed. Ever.

Deployment Deux - this deployment came a little sooner than we would have liked (i guess all do)as we had barely spent 7 months living together (2 moves to make it happen)and were just getting back into the routine of co-habitating. We had only lived here in Washington a few months, and although we lived on post, it was still a transition. I didn't really know anyone, and while i felt safer, bedtime was still hard. I literally didn't go back to my room until I was about to fall asleep. this, though, was a 15 month deployment, and although I wasn't keen on sleeping alone, I developed a soft spot for the middle of the bed. Making the bed got a little more involved, but it wasn't that bad. After all, I was starting to realize how everyone else in the house enjoyed my bed.

Deployment this one - I am ALL OVER this mutha . Like, for real. I wake up with the blankets crooked, pillows on the floor. It's a crazy mess. And when the kids climb in it's worse! I sleep hard and sound. And i enjoy my space. If the kids are in here and even THINK of crossing over to "my side", it's on.I'm not nice about it, either. I sleep spread out, scrunched to the footboard, diagonal, you name it. In the morning, it takes a good 5 full minutes to get the bed in organized fashion.

So, while I am counting down the minutes until I get to lay next to my hubby again, I think I might be a little nervous about my ability to share my beautifully comfortable space. This Queen size bed is starting to seem a little snug, now that I'm imagining another adult taking up space. Hmmm... Maybe I can claim some of "Derek's side" without him noticing?

this thing called CrossFit.

When Derek was home for R&R in November, he coerced me into a few days of Crossfit "training". **For those of you who haven't heard of this cult like training, go to crossfit.com and spend an hour navigating the site.**
Crossfit-ing with Derek was nuts. First, because i am a horrible student when he is the teacher, and secondly, because I was a tubby out-of-shape biatch, and crossfit is unforgiving. After only ONE day I had to hover to pee, I had to Frankenstein-walk all my stairs,I needed help lifting my arms. I also fell in love with this training. It felt good. I felt good. When the soreness went away,I was left with strength and stamina.
I realized first off, that I COULD do this, if I just got off my padded ass and DID it. So after Derek left, and I got up enough nerve, I joined the local Crossfit Gym here in town. It's intimidating to walk into one of these gyms. People grunt, and lift and sweat, and ALL seem sooooo "in shape". But the awesome thing about crossfit is that it can be modified to ANY level of fitness. For example, there is a 60 -something year old woman in my 10am class and she can box jump, run 800 meters and clean and jerk 45#. Can you? I cant. Not yet anyways, but this woman INSPIRES me to push myself. She's not skinny, she not trendy and shes not someone I would think of as a "crossfitter" if i saw her on the street. Bringing me kinda to the point of my whole story anyway.
I had taken a bit of a haitus- a two week semi-break- if you will. I have some sort of strange injury that has proven frustrating to figure out, and it has made lifting near impossible. So Today was my first day back to the routine. And I KILLED it. Now, I am doing a totally modified WOD(Workout of the Day), my push-ups are girl style, I do jumping pull-ups and I haven't rx'd(prescribed weight for skill)on weight yet ever. But today i DID push myself to do better.And in doing so, I also pushed a friend who is doing this with me. I THOUGHT I had set up a 15# bar with ten exra pounds, totaling 25#, but in actuality, I put in ten pound weights, totaling 35#. Now, sure, 35 pounds may seem easy peasy, but clean that shit up to your sternum, and jerk it out above your head, TWO TIMES, then do 22 push-ups, and 10 26# Kettlebell swings, and do it all again OVER AND OVER FOR 13 MINUTES. I got 5 rounds +2 clean and jerks done. For me this was a huge accomplishment, especially with my weird injury, and having taken the time off. It was also awesome to see my friend do so well, on only her 4th WOD.
Of course, I'm like any other woman out there, and I care about the scale. Why is it such a frienemy?? I have seen no WEIGHT loss whatsoever. But I have seen an increase in strength, stamina and my desire to WANT to go. Even when my knees are screaming, and I'm so sore I cant take my own sports bra off. I LOVE CrossFit. There, I said it. And I hope you, sweet reader, get to experience a kick ass WOD in the near future. Push yourself just out of your comfort zone, because once you do, its amazing how great you'll feel.

random ramblings

This post brought to you by a vodka tonic or two, so if this gets sketchy, you know why.
Today was another beautiful fantastic day in Washington State. I know some of you out-of-staters don't believe me, but its true, and i have pictures to prove it! Since this February treat of awesome weather is rare, I decided to make the most of it.

9:30 am -Me and my younger two girls met my friend and her kiddo at the 5K mud run site and walked the trail. The kids did all the obstacles we came across, and i became painfully aware of two things A.) I'm waaay out of shape for a 5K mudrun, and 2.) my kids need to be outside more.

This also brings me to a side note. My 5k is scheduled for around the same time as my husbands homecoming. I would like some opinions on the couth-ness ( yes I made that up) of showing up at said homecoming dripping with sweat, mud, and pride for completing my second 5k, this time sans Derek. Sure to some this may sound ridiculous. It probably is. But for you kindred Milspouses of mine, how often do we bend due to our spouses career. Our lives really do revolve around them, regardless of deployment. I think as wives, we often put our needs on the back-burner, because we've been told to "suck it up". But "sucking it up" and giving up our dreams/goals/wants are two different things. And I think I have finally come to realize that if I don't grab that thing I am after, no one is going to do it for me. And not only that, but this is MY LIFE too. And I need to be happy just as much as I need to make my family happy. So would I rather be at the 5k, or welcomeing my husband home with a hug and a kiss? I want both. So, I hope he likes muddy sweaty hugs <3.

1:ish pm - Took our beloved basset Hope to the dog park. Everyone in the free world had the same idea. There were also 4 cop cars in the parking lot. Was there a puppy rumble, I wonder. I know they weren't there to police the scoop your poop policy, as i witnessed many a pooch doing their thing as owners pretended not to see it. Come on people, common courtesy. NO ONE enjoys picking up poo, but stepping in it is even worse.
Now as some of you may know, I am a creature whore. I love animals. I cant help but pet and rub and pick up most animal we come across. I pick up slugs on the Tolmie trail, I chase frog croaks at the marsh, and there is no dog safe from my need to love at the dog park. Today, there was a special treat for me, ( I pray Hope doesn't read this) FIVE different English bulldogs all came up to me and wanted MY attention!! Ahhhhh, it was a good day.

Sunday is supposed to be another fantastic day, Western Washingtonians! Get out there and enjoy it. People watch, eavesdrop on a conversation, take a walk with your kids. And if you have some free time, come down to Steilacoom and get a healthy dose of beauty.

I will end my unorganized ramblings with this Gracieism: whilst playing travel bingo
"I found a fire DE-hydrant!"

and so it begins...

I am what one might call a frustrated writer. Frustrated only because I lack the motivation and, to be blunt, balls, to actually submit my silly little stories for someone else to approve. Well, times they are a-changin' around here. I have been recently motivated by that thing that motivates us all: the all-mighty dollar, and to avoid going out into the adult working world (gasp)and leaving my life of leisure as a stay-at-homer (insert laugh track here) in the dust, it is time for me to grow a sack.

This is where you come in, oh sweet reader. Whether you are reading this under family obligation, or you stumbled onto my blog in search of free porn, I appreciate that you have read this far. I will try my hand at writing a kick-ass and belly-laugh worthy blog. It will hopefully give me the motivation to actually submit some work, work on writing and vent about all things life-ish. Stay tuned and come back often. My life is full of misadventures and kookiness.