Thanks giving

We have a tradition in our home of saying what we are thankful for before we stuff our faces with the delicious Thanksgiving meal that I single-handedly and graciously slave over each year. It's usually a quick, round -table style so as not to get a poetic waxer infringing upon our much anticipated first bite. This year, I was truly thankful for several things, but one that stands out the most is EVOLUTION. I don't mean that in an anti-Christian, Darwinism kind of way. Well, not entirely. Let me backtrack just a bit...
I come from nay-sayers and crutch havers, as do most of my peers, because that is the way of our parents generation. Always an excuse as to why they can't. Sometimes it's expectation that keeps dreams from being followed, sometimes it's stubbornness. Mostly, though, it's fear. Or fear of failure to be exact, because somewhere along the timeline of life, they were told failure is bad. Failure, my sweet readers is NOT bad, actually. Nor is it anything to be ashamed of. The dark shadow that lurks over that word is nothing more than the opportunity to learn. More times than not,I bet in each failure you have, you increase the knowledge of yourself tenfold. And you experience life.
So back to evolution: I realized recently, that I had bought into that crutch-haver bullshit. I have unrealistic fear. I sell myself short. I believe the self-deprecating humor I use to buffer anxiety. I don't really set goals. I set myself up for failure with a self sabotaging attitude. I'm a quitter. When the going get's tough, I throw in the towel and turn on the TV. But, a few years ago, I did something out of the norm. I went back to college. Well, I went to college, because I never really started to begin with. Guess what happened? I did really well. So with that little self esteem boost I started doing other little things that were out of the norm for me. Last year I started running. It took me 20 minutes to gasp through my first mile, now I can bang out 2 miles without dying. Do I run marathons? NO! But I am doing something I once told myself I couldn't do. The biggest leap for Heather kind this year was Roller Derby. Roller Derby is a competitive, full contact sport. I am neither competitive or full contact. Derby is more than just a witty name and tiny shorts. These women are athletes. True. Strong. Tough. And I am becoming one of them.
On my very first practice, while I was trying to look cool and doing my best to hide my fear and intimidation and clearly failing at both, one of the veteran skaters told me, " it's 98% mental". She is right. And that applies to way more then derby. That's life, baby! 98% of life is about getting the bull we buy into OUT and the positive IN. It's a work in progress, I still fail all over the place; I can't do a cross-over when I skate, I'm currently on hiatus from school, I still get nervous before I blog. In that failure is evolution. I am no longer a crutch haver. I am evolving. And I am truly thankful for that.