Volunteering - It's my thing

I've been pretty unmotivated lately when it comes to this blog. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I'm not really doing anything. I'm not exactly sure how to define myself; I'm not a volunteer, or involved in derby and I've come to the realization that my life doesn't have enough interesting characters in it to sustain such a cleverly written, witty and entertaining blog such as this. I think I'm kind of like, floundering. I am making daily weekly(sort of) updates at my wordpress blog - mywholefoodslife.wordpress.com, so if you're into food, you can check that out. I think really, I'm just bored. I don't have a lot going on, which is just weird for me. And I'm not all that entertaining without an audience. Who really wants to read about me getting up around 7, making coffee, getting the kids off to the bus stop, kissing my husband goodbye? I could talk about those first heavenly moments of silence as I walk back into the house after waving goodbye to the bus, and the motorcycle the DH is on... but after that, it's basically me wandering my house doing random things like laundry, or cleaning toilets or wasting the day online checking out blogs. I think I may have overstayed my welcome in housewifeville. I had a luncheon at the school that my younger two attend (a school I DO NOT volunteer at, despite my advocating for volunteering) and as I'm waiting for the show to start, I can't help but look around and think to myself how much smoother this would be going if I had been in charge.I then immediately think, "Oh know! I've turned into Erica!" Erica being one of my dearest friends, who is simply a natural leader, but is also highly competitive, regardless of the task, and always outdoes herself in anything she takes on. She has been known to "rework" other peoples dinner parties in her mind. She can't help herself. I love her anyways. After texting my husband to tell him my thoughts on the luncheon,and admit I was an asshole, I remembered a more recent event where my control issue reared it's ugly head. While out on a run with the hubby, he chose to go farther than our predetermined route. I disagreed. I ran to the already-decided-upon stop sign, and turned around. He went on. Later when he caught up with me, I made the declaration that I was a "leader not a follower"... I also said some other pretty mean stuff that isn't relative to this story. Huh... I'm a leader? When did this happen? I don't know, but it did. Sure, I might not look like your typical "A" personality, but I can take charge of ___________ (insert whatever here) and get it done. I might be quiet about it at first, but that's just the wheels starting to gain momentum. Remember Radar from MASH? That's pretty much my style. I might not command a room, but I have the answers and the gumption when you need something done. I think I miss it. Oh my God... I think I miss PTA and derby meetings. A schedule book that needs four colors of pen to organize all the goings-on. Proof?

Is that crazy or what? I went from at least 3 different meetings a week... to TWO in a MONTH.I won't lie, I was experiencing some burnout by May, and happy a few things would be over come June. Funny, those are the things I'm now missing in November. Sure, my husband would say I'm the "leader" of the house.Which is true, since nothing gets done around here with my input.But it's not like the kids rally even listen to me anymore, and they're all pretty much old enough to fend for themselves when it comes to food/hygiene/homework.So really, I'm the leader of grocery lists and making dinner and housework. Who want to be the leader of dirty underwear and dust bunnies? What kinda effed up stuff is that? I think I should be offended at that remark my husband didn't even make but I know he's thinking!! He might even say I'm just bossy. And I can't really take offense to that. My dear friend Erica once said, as a response to being asked why she didn't go into business making one of the numerous things she is ever so talented at,"because it isn't fun anymore when it's "work". I lose the love for it". My resume would put most stay-at-homers my age to shame. But more than half of the things that are on it were all done as an UNPAID service. As a Volunteer. I now understand exactly what Erica meant. I'm damn good at being a volunteer, and I have prestigious awards to show for it. I don't think I would choose to do any of those "unpaid" things as my "job". But... I'm starting to believe there isn't anything else in the world I love doing more. Re-working that luncheon in my head is proof of that.

You can't always get what you want

You know the Rolling Stones song? It's one of my favorite Stones songs, yet I don't have it in my Itunes library. But since moving to Virginia I don't really need it to be , since I've heard it weekly on the radio. At first I was all like "score"!! Since it's one of like a handful of good songs playing around here. But then, as the weeks went by, I thought it was weird I was hearing it so much. Then, I finally realized, I might be hearing it for a reason.

I really, honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. Now, some call this divine intervention, and some believe it's all written in the cosmos. Others will say hindsight is 20/20. Whattheeffever. All I know for sure, is that everything always works out, whether is was the plan or not.

I've been doing some reflecting lately. October was kind of a month full of "bad news", and in true big-girl style, I went on a pity - party bandwagon.
Being a military family we have very little control over some major aspects of our lives, and when we're offered a little control, and buy into that fantasy it can be hard to accept different outcomes. Sometimes it works in your favor, and other times, it works in your favor, but in a less enjoyable, less instantly gratifying sort of way.
So aside from a few personal, non-military controlled crap-bombs,we have had a major Army induced let down. Now, before I tell my pathetic, cry-baby tale, let me infer that this is about what we WANTED Vs. what we GOT. And what we GOT was a far cry from "bad". It just wasn't what we WANTED.

Derek recently had his branch interview, where you find out what duty stations are available to you, per positions needs and blah blah blah. We had kind of made a TOP 5 list of places we wanted to go (Hawaii, Alaska, D.C., Colorado,Germany) based on people who had attended the classes previous to Derek. Well, big blow #1 was that when Derek's list came down, only one of our TOP 5 places was on the list; Ft. Carson, CO. I'm not going to lie. I wanted Hawaii REALLY REALLY badly. And we actually thought we had a good shot to get there,based on Derek's deployment history.Sure roll your eyes. Is it a paradise? Yes. But the pros also included things like:I know my way around the base, I know the area, I know people there.The transition will be easier on my kiddos. These are all things to take into consideration when your new to a duty station and your husband is going to deploy. So, after trying to take in that news, we looked over the list and made a decision of a NEW Top 5. One choice really jumped out at Derek, and after some discussion on the topic, weighing the Pro's and Con's, made it to our #1 slot.
JAPAN.
Yes, Japan, the place that recently had a major catastrophe. The island nation. The foreign country. As we weighed the Pro's (overseas,beautiful,perfect timing as far as the kids are concerned, great opportunity, cultural experience) and the Con's (not really knowing anyone there, not knowing the area, emergency situations might get tricky, Hope might have to stay with my dad) and talked to people who had been stationed there, the good definitely outweighed the bad here. Another plus? we were the first to pick it, and Derek was told he would be high on the order of merit list. We were also told the Ft. Carson, wasn't going to happen for us. It's highly coveted, and already had several requests by the time we had our meeting. Fine. We realized we only picked Carson because it wasn't awful, kinda like picking the lesser of 10 evils.We wanted to be coastal, and warmer. We wanted Japan, thankyouverymuch.
We googled and discussed. We talked in depth to a couple that just moved from there. We made plans and started mentally weeding out our household goods. I even looked up gymnastics schools and houses. Although we ere told orders would come down 4 NOV, Derek checked daily. DAILY.
Well, never name a stray puppy. We got Fort Carson. Ugh. Look, don't get me wrong, Fort Carson is beautiful. EVERYONE I know who has been there wants to go back, or stay. People try their whole careers to get there. I completely get it. I really do. I have no business complaining about this duty station. I'm even a little embarrassed about it, really. And I know my list of reasons why I don't want this duty station will get just as many eye rolls as my reasons I wanted Hawaii.

Ft. Carson brings with it many of the attributes for an easy transition, just like Hawaii; I know people there, the kids will acclimate nicely, I'll have a better network if Derek deploys soon.

Reflecting back on our military life, and just life in general, I realized, that no matter what, we make the best out of our situations. Everything happens for a reason. ... So no matter how much I want to flip the bird at fate, or send that branch manager a picture of me sobbing while bundled up to my nose in outer layers,or suggest me and the kids moving to someplace warmer and tropical while just Derek goes on to Colorado, I can't help but hear it playing in the back of my mind... "and if you try sometimes, you just might find... you get what you need".