4 more weeks

I haven't blogged in a while. I have a million things going on, kids, school., PTA, and I have a few drafts saved, but I really haven't had too much of interest to say. Or I guess I really haven't been able to organize thought to word. It just hasn't been a priority. But tonight I had one of those moments, where emotion grabs you and makes you feel. And it had been such a long time that I felt like this, so long, that I hadn't even noticed I was missing it, and I just had to get it down on "paper".

My dad has gotten me hooked on "Parenthood". It's a great show, and the characters are interesting and its easy to get lost in the writing. Tonight there was a scene, at the end, where a couple where laying in bed together, talking about their son, when the son came in and crawled in bed with them, and it was supposed to be this perfect family moment for them, and then the husband,realizing how perfect an imperfect life can be, brushes his wife's forehead with his thumb. And I FELT that brush on my forehead. For a split second, I actually remembered what it felt like for Derek to be here with me, to touch my forehead, to FEEL him here. I was in a moment of life , happening in real time, with him. And then I blinked and it was gone.
So for those of you who want to know what going through a deployment is like. It's just like that. One minute your husband is here with you living a life, and the next minute, he is a soldier, miles away from you living a completely different life and all you really have is those moments of life you catalog in your mind and sometimes something as simple as a tv show can trigger that memory and for just a moment you feel peace and warmth and perfection. And then it's just you sitting in bed, tapping away at your netbook wondering if you even came close to conveying what you were feeling.