What's my motivation?

Do you remember the first time you got a compliment? I don't mean your aunt praising you for be a good girl at the grocery store, either. I mean a REAL, compliment as an adult, by a stranger, that made you feel good about yourself. I do. I was in Target, I was about 20 and a young male employee told me I had a great butt. I think he actually said, " don't take this offensively, but you have a great butt". He wasn't creepy about it, and after my embarrassed and confused "thanks", he went about restocking the shelves. He didn't follow me around the store breathing heavy, or try to get my number. It was just a highly inappropriate, yet completely self esteem boosting compliment that has followed me for years. While I don't have that 20 year old ass anymore, I often think back to that compliment when I need a little pick-me-up.
I had terrible self esteem as a teenager. I got boobs in the 5th grade. Like, need to wear a bra boobs. I was relentlessly made fun of by the boys, and often by the girls too. I remember one day, while walking home from school, a few boys followed me home singing "you stuff your bra!!" until I lifted my shirt and said "does this look stuffed?!?!". After that I was the 5th grade floozy, by rumor alone.
That loathing and taunting of my prematurely mature body made me awkward and insecure and followed me into high school, where curves can be a fickle friend.
Body image has always been an issue with me. Old habits die hard.
The last year I've been on this constant body loathing rampage. I'm the heaviest I've ever been. EVER. I was already chubby, then I quit smoking and packed on a good 15 lbs. Then Derek came home and on came another handful. I'm 5'2" (on a good day) and my frame just can't handle that kind of weight gain. And I have been stuck, no matter what the diet or exercise regimen, at the same weight for almost a year. No loss, no gain. It's frustrating. And that attitude spills over into other aspects of my life. Let's just say there's a lot of "light off" sexy time at my house. And the "nice ass" compliments from strangers are few and far between these days.
So today I took a friend up on an invitation to take a spin class. It was out of the norm of the treadmill/intervals/elliptical I've been doing. This wasn't my first trip on the spin bike, mind you. I'm familiar with the taint crushing aspect of this cardio craze. And it sucked just as much as I remembered. But you know what didn't suck. Having a friend there to motivate me. Gym buddies are awesome. I had one of the best around a few years back. She was motivating, competitive and FUN. But she PCS'd ... I guess her family was more important than my waistline ( I hate you El Paso). I realized my motivation wasn't cued by a dress a size smaller, or random compliments, but from the good old fashioned female bonding in the gym experience. That's probably why I love derby so much. And that's probably why my gym time has been so blah. Doing something semi suckish is always less suckish when you do it with people you enjoy being around. Being accountable to someone else is always better for me than being accountable for just myself. I have zero problem letting myself down. I'm already self loathing. So plans were made for more gym fun. Kickboxing, maybe some yoga... who knows. My attitude is shifting a bit, and I know my goal is to be more fit and not a slave to a number on a scale.This is usually easier said then done. You know whats almost as good as a compliment on your hind end? Putting on your comfy pants and realizing their slightly baggier than they were a few weeks back.
All of a sudden spin class doesn't seem so bad.