Fairness and other B.S.

* I was overwhelmed by the response of my last blog entry. First, by the fact that more than 5 people read it (click “FOLLOW” to follow manicmilitarywife), and secondly that so many people connected with my rant. I guess it would make sense to discuss Army life, as my blog is titled The Manic Military Wife. I half assedly promise to include at least one military-esque blog entry per month. Let me say that I was not using my blog to complain about the ARMY, as being an Army wife I am PRO-MILITARY. But I will entertain you with random shenanigans that only other Mil-spouses can truly appreciate.
THANK YOU SWEET READERS!!



Ever heard the phrase “it’s not fair”? Of course you have. Everyone says it. My kids say it daily. But then again… they’re KIDS
This is how it’s played out in my house:
KID - “It’s not fair that ‘sibling’ gets to take a bath”
ME- “It’s because I love ‘sibling’ more”.
This usually works for most scenarios and they have learned that this means DROP IT. Is it nice? No. But I’m a parent, and my job isn’t really to be nice, it’s to teach my kids life lessons and to help them be productive adults when they go out into the world. If I could be nice AND make sure they don’t pick people off with a rifle from a clock tower, then great. Most days niceness isn’t the path that works.
Lately, I have noticed this phrase being used more and more by grown people. I’ll even go as far as to say “adults”, although for some I use this term loosely. “It’s not fair” you say? That’s right, it’s not freakin’ fair… because this is REAL LIFE, where fairness is relative, and expectations are real and there are consequences to your actions. Sometimes you don’t get what you want, sometimes you’re told “NO”. Sometimes (hopefully every time) you are held accountable for your actions.

Fairness and equality are two terms that are very often used for one’s own agenda.
(And this is where the OPINION disclaimer needs to be entered, as I’m sure I will offend.)

Remember the days of having to try out for a team? Or the MVP getting the trophy? Now-a-days it's a free for all, because we can't hurt anyone's feelings, and EVERYONE get's a trophy because somewhere some mom who thought her kid,who picked weeds in the outfield,was just as good as the kid who had natural talent complained enough to disrupt the system. We celebrate mediocrity. Everyone is equal. It's a "team effort". While I agree in team efforts, I also believe that the person who WORKS HARD, PUTS IN THE EFFORT and EXCELS should be celebrated. It gives the other kids (or adults) on the team something to strive for, to set goals, to become better.
Now, if your kid (or you) is the weed picker, you will disagree. If your kid (or you)is in the "natural talent" section, you're giving me a virtual high-five. BUT... If you're weed picker kid is in a different situation... let's say they are asked to participate in a program that you feel their skills have surpassed, well, THEN equality is thrown out the window. EXAMPLE (for those not tracking)... Last year, our daughter was asked to be put in a split class of second and third graders. She was in the third grade. Many parents (including me, for honesty's sake)went ape-y over this. The second grade parents were concerned about the third graders negative influence , the third grade parents were concerned about their kids not being challenged with the second grade curriculum. Let me point out not very many parents were concerned with WHY this was happening *coughbudgetcutsthanksbiggovernemtcough. Two of these parents, who's kids were in the third grade, had just come to a PTA meeting all aflutter about the PTA giving out awards to the "winners" of a certain contest. "We should send the message that we are all winners", they said. Well, yes, but some of us are better winners than others. I guess this would include third graders, as opposed to second graders.


Recently, my youngest kiddo was picked to be on the pre-competition team in the gymnastics program she's in. This was like a huge big deal. She had only been taking classes (the first in her life) for about 10 weeks. She and her sister started in the same class, and when Gracie was asked to try out, and then was accepted, we thought Ruby would be upset, even though she had already stated she wasn't interested in the pre-comp team. At first she praised her little sister for such an awesome accomplishment, but I could tell there was a little jealousy. I talked to Ruby about it, and how she had stated the pre-comp team wasn't really her thing, but that it was OK to change her mind. The next 4 weeks Ruby worked really hard to improve her skills. She practiced at home, flipping off the couch, kipping up the side of her bunk bed, spending recess getting callouses on her hands from spinning around the playground bars. Her determination paid off, and she was asked to try-out for the pre-comp team last week. She never once played the "fairness" card. And you know what else? She was PROUD of herself.
Now, I could have been the mom that complained about the program, or put her in a class that she would never feel the need to challenge herself in because at the end of the session everyone got a medal. None of us Moms want to see our kiddos hurt or feel left out. But not "making the cut" is a life lesson. It's how we rebound from the disappointment that shapes the athlete or scholar.
Think about it: How many times did you QUIT something because it got hard? Or you weren't master of the universe? I can easily raise my hand in shame. And I'm sure I thought it "wasn't fair".




These blabbering and horn tooting examples are just my way to express my frustration with the amount of people I hear complaining about their lives. It's not always going to be rosy, and while I don't except everyone to always have a smile in the face of adversity, don't use "it's not fair" or "I'm not being treated equally" if you're just pissed off because you A) lost, B) were put in your place, or C)life happened. There are a slew of woman, African Americans and Gays that could tell YOU about "Fairness".