Posts
Oh my gosh. It's been FOREVER since I blogged. I hope you're still hanging in there sweet readers!I guess I should say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!! As you can tell by my absence on the blogosphere, I have been BUSY!!! The holidays were hectic, and the after the holidays were hectic, and well, the end of winter and beginning of spring looks to be just as hectic. Which leads me to my long overdo posting on my poor neglected blog.
I am an over-do-er. I say yes too much, fill in too often, and ink things into my schedule book more than I need to. I am on the board of two different PTAs, was (until recently) involved in Dereks BN FRG (Family Readiness Group for you non-milspouses), and volunteer in supporting roles (as well as actively playing) in my Roller Derby league. I go to Army wife coffees, run the kids to gymnastics and attend committee meetings. I often spend my Monday mornings cooking and prepping my dinners for the week, because my evenings have become "go-time". At one of my PTA meetings, we all joke that I take up the last 1/3 of the meeting with things I'm responsible for. But it's not really a joke, because I actually AM responsible for them. Sometimes I actually pencil friends into my schedule book just to make sure I don't forget.
OH! How I love to volunteer. But I hate that I love it so much, that I let it infringe upon my "me" time. Like blogging, for instance. Or having an organized house. Or making a day date with a friend to catch up. Or finishing 4 short stories I started and promised myself I would have finished and submitted in contests by now.
What I think I have been lacking lately is self-discipline. Aside from my need to take on too much, I easily procrastinate things I need to get done, until I am overwhelmed with my TO DO list. And then I get mad at myself for having to push other things (things I procrastinated) to the back burner to get my most immediate things done. Ugh! It's like a vicious cycle.
It's not like this is a new trait with me, I have been this way, like forever. And really, wanting to help where help is needed isn't really a flaw, nor is prioritizing and knowing what can wait and what can't. But I realized, as I was inking into my schedule book (using 4 different color inks), that I have really left no time for me. So I have decided to make a pact with myself and I'm using my blog to keep me accountable fro my actions. Because whats better than putting something in INK in your day planner? Putting it in cyber-space, where 6 people might read it.
So starting Monday (1-31-11) Also known best by procrastinators as "tomorrow", I am starting a routine of:
Every morning, taking the time between 9-1030 for exercise.
MONDAY will be my food prep day
Thursday will be my BLOG POST and WRITING day
Friday PTA in the morning ONLY day
I will stick to this Schedule, take time for ME and learn to say NO to filling in, writing in ink and saying yes on MY TIME!!
Keep me honest people!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, November 29, 2010
Thanks giving
We have a tradition in our home of saying what we are thankful for before we stuff our faces with the delicious Thanksgiving meal that I single-handedly and graciously slave over each year. It's usually a quick, round -table style so as not to get a poetic waxer infringing upon our much anticipated first bite. This year, I was truly thankful for several things, but one that stands out the most is EVOLUTION. I don't mean that in an anti-Christian, Darwinism kind of way. Well, not entirely. Let me backtrack just a bit...
I come from nay-sayers and crutch havers, as do most of my peers, because that is the way of our parents generation. Always an excuse as to why they can't. Sometimes it's expectation that keeps dreams from being followed, sometimes it's stubbornness. Mostly, though, it's fear. Or fear of failure to be exact, because somewhere along the timeline of life, they were told failure is bad. Failure, my sweet readers is NOT bad, actually. Nor is it anything to be ashamed of. The dark shadow that lurks over that word is nothing more than the opportunity to learn. More times than not,I bet in each failure you have, you increase the knowledge of yourself tenfold. And you experience life.
So back to evolution: I realized recently, that I had bought into that crutch-haver bullshit. I have unrealistic fear. I sell myself short. I believe the self-deprecating humor I use to buffer anxiety. I don't really set goals. I set myself up for failure with a self sabotaging attitude. I'm a quitter. When the going get's tough, I throw in the towel and turn on the TV. But, a few years ago, I did something out of the norm. I went back to college. Well, I went to college, because I never really started to begin with. Guess what happened? I did really well. So with that little self esteem boost I started doing other little things that were out of the norm for me. Last year I started running. It took me 20 minutes to gasp through my first mile, now I can bang out 2 miles without dying. Do I run marathons? NO! But I am doing something I once told myself I couldn't do. The biggest leap for Heather kind this year was Roller Derby. Roller Derby is a competitive, full contact sport. I am neither competitive or full contact. Derby is more than just a witty name and tiny shorts. These women are athletes. True. Strong. Tough. And I am becoming one of them.
On my very first practice, while I was trying to look cool and doing my best to hide my fear and intimidation and clearly failing at both, one of the veteran skaters told me, " it's 98% mental". She is right. And that applies to way more then derby. That's life, baby! 98% of life is about getting the bull we buy into OUT and the positive IN. It's a work in progress, I still fail all over the place; I can't do a cross-over when I skate, I'm currently on hiatus from school, I still get nervous before I blog. In that failure is evolution. I am no longer a crutch haver. I am evolving. And I am truly thankful for that.
I come from nay-sayers and crutch havers, as do most of my peers, because that is the way of our parents generation. Always an excuse as to why they can't. Sometimes it's expectation that keeps dreams from being followed, sometimes it's stubbornness. Mostly, though, it's fear. Or fear of failure to be exact, because somewhere along the timeline of life, they were told failure is bad. Failure, my sweet readers is NOT bad, actually. Nor is it anything to be ashamed of. The dark shadow that lurks over that word is nothing more than the opportunity to learn. More times than not,I bet in each failure you have, you increase the knowledge of yourself tenfold. And you experience life.
So back to evolution: I realized recently, that I had bought into that crutch-haver bullshit. I have unrealistic fear. I sell myself short. I believe the self-deprecating humor I use to buffer anxiety. I don't really set goals. I set myself up for failure with a self sabotaging attitude. I'm a quitter. When the going get's tough, I throw in the towel and turn on the TV. But, a few years ago, I did something out of the norm. I went back to college. Well, I went to college, because I never really started to begin with. Guess what happened? I did really well. So with that little self esteem boost I started doing other little things that were out of the norm for me. Last year I started running. It took me 20 minutes to gasp through my first mile, now I can bang out 2 miles without dying. Do I run marathons? NO! But I am doing something I once told myself I couldn't do. The biggest leap for Heather kind this year was Roller Derby. Roller Derby is a competitive, full contact sport. I am neither competitive or full contact. Derby is more than just a witty name and tiny shorts. These women are athletes. True. Strong. Tough. And I am becoming one of them.
On my very first practice, while I was trying to look cool and doing my best to hide my fear and intimidation and clearly failing at both, one of the veteran skaters told me, " it's 98% mental". She is right. And that applies to way more then derby. That's life, baby! 98% of life is about getting the bull we buy into OUT and the positive IN. It's a work in progress, I still fail all over the place; I can't do a cross-over when I skate, I'm currently on hiatus from school, I still get nervous before I blog. In that failure is evolution. I am no longer a crutch haver. I am evolving. And I am truly thankful for that.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
a little bit of Manic
Some people get "Baby Fever". You know, that need to have another baby, or touch every newborn they come across. Gross. I get something known in my house as "House Fever". I have a desperate need, want, desire to buy a house and make it my own. Sometimes this "fever" last a few weeks, sometimes months, but regardless of how long it lasts, it's all consuming. I eat, sleep, breathe house hunting. I Google and drive by. I peek into windows (mostly unoccupied) and spend hours on-line doing video tours. My car gets cluttered with those info fliers you pull from the FOR SALE sign. Sometimes I even go so far as to hit up our local Realtor and set up walk throughs. It's bad.
I think, in part, it comes from being chronic renters. As a Military family, you never really know how long you'll be in one spot, so it makes buying a little more involved. You have to think farther into the future of how your potential home will turn into a rental or a sale. In this economy, no one can really afford a 3 year turnover on a home. Plus, I romanticize about the next house we buy being "The One". Our retirement, or at least the place where we settle for quite some time, maybe even pass down to our kids. I LOVE our little town and I would LOVE to buy here.
I think another reason I'm having some Fever is because there is only so much you can do to a rental to make it "yours". The walls stay white (even if several variations), the kitchen or bathrooms keep the same outdated fixtures, there's no remodel in sight. It gets kinda boring and I think you either lose some creativity in the drab, or you spark some creativity to add a little something special to make what is essentially a borrowed space your own.
I think that is where I am at the moment. There is no way we are buying anything anytime soon. We're looking at a PCS in June, we just took on another car payment, and I'm not looking at going back to work anytime soon. Plus, we have a FANTASTIC view of the sound and Olympic mountain range that we could never afford if not for this rental. Soooo... to try to squelch this fever, I have been on an "update" rampage in my house this week. I've updated some decor in our bedroom, completely re-arranged the upstairs great room ,kitchen and downstairs living room, and even done some touch ups to the bathrooms. And since I'm on a budget and believe in reducing commercialism to better our environment, everything has been either second hand (either from thrifts or online)or re-purposed items I already owned.
It's given me some control over my desire to buy a house, and my hectic life, and it feels good to change things up a bit. And at the end of the day, I feel good that I still have those last few dollars in the bank :)
I still have a few projects on the burner, but I'm hoping to settle back down by weeks end; I'm sure much to the delight of my husband. I still might have some house fever, but in the process I've weeded out some things that where clutter, made a few dollars and found a little bit of balance. And even some compliments form the other people who live in my domicile <3 Some tips to spruce up your look: **I am a lover of the Goodwill, but not everyone feels the same way. If you can't even consider using second hand curtains, fine, but you can use the Goodwill for other things. Americana is a very popular look right now, and if you stroll the aisles of your local Thrift, you will find little wooden shelves, metal candle holders and picture frames for super cheap. All you need is a can of matte black spray paint, and you've got yourself some do-it-yourself decor. **Move items from one room into another. If that cute bathroom shelf if just collecting dust, move it into the kitchen and add hooks to hang some teacups or coffee mugs. Does that old dresser have sentimental value but no real purpose? Add some paint or go to www.vinylwallart.com and pick some reusable decals to spruce it up. ** Take a walk through your garage or storage shed. My bet is it is overflowing with random crap that can either be re-purposed (i.e, use some older curtain rods to hang quilts/blankets) or sold on many of the online sales sites for extra cash
in your pocket(one of my favs is www.lewisyardsales.com, look for a bookoo in your area)
*********PICS**********
The framed pictures are actually sheets from an old calendar I found at the Goodwill for a buck. Had the frames already, just switched out the pictures. The shelf was an ugly pinkish color I did a haphazard spray paint on. Another Thrift find for $2.50.
The picture of my dining room shows an old Avon collectibles (Dereks Grandmothers) we display and my grandmothers dresser (which lived through an apartment fire) I use now as a buffet.
I think, in part, it comes from being chronic renters. As a Military family, you never really know how long you'll be in one spot, so it makes buying a little more involved. You have to think farther into the future of how your potential home will turn into a rental or a sale. In this economy, no one can really afford a 3 year turnover on a home. Plus, I romanticize about the next house we buy being "The One". Our retirement, or at least the place where we settle for quite some time, maybe even pass down to our kids. I LOVE our little town and I would LOVE to buy here.
I think another reason I'm having some Fever is because there is only so much you can do to a rental to make it "yours". The walls stay white (even if several variations), the kitchen or bathrooms keep the same outdated fixtures, there's no remodel in sight. It gets kinda boring and I think you either lose some creativity in the drab, or you spark some creativity to add a little something special to make what is essentially a borrowed space your own.
I think that is where I am at the moment. There is no way we are buying anything anytime soon. We're looking at a PCS in June, we just took on another car payment, and I'm not looking at going back to work anytime soon. Plus, we have a FANTASTIC view of the sound and Olympic mountain range that we could never afford if not for this rental. Soooo... to try to squelch this fever, I have been on an "update" rampage in my house this week. I've updated some decor in our bedroom, completely re-arranged the upstairs great room ,kitchen and downstairs living room, and even done some touch ups to the bathrooms. And since I'm on a budget and believe in reducing commercialism to better our environment, everything has been either second hand (either from thrifts or online)or re-purposed items I already owned.
It's given me some control over my desire to buy a house, and my hectic life, and it feels good to change things up a bit. And at the end of the day, I feel good that I still have those last few dollars in the bank :)
I still have a few projects on the burner, but I'm hoping to settle back down by weeks end; I'm sure much to the delight of my husband. I still might have some house fever, but in the process I've weeded out some things that where clutter, made a few dollars and found a little bit of balance. And even some compliments form the other people who live in my domicile <3 Some tips to spruce up your look: **I am a lover of the Goodwill, but not everyone feels the same way. If you can't even consider using second hand curtains, fine, but you can use the Goodwill for other things. Americana is a very popular look right now, and if you stroll the aisles of your local Thrift, you will find little wooden shelves, metal candle holders and picture frames for super cheap. All you need is a can of matte black spray paint, and you've got yourself some do-it-yourself decor. **Move items from one room into another. If that cute bathroom shelf if just collecting dust, move it into the kitchen and add hooks to hang some teacups or coffee mugs. Does that old dresser have sentimental value but no real purpose? Add some paint or go to www.vinylwallart.com and pick some reusable decals to spruce it up. ** Take a walk through your garage or storage shed. My bet is it is overflowing with random crap that can either be re-purposed (i.e, use some older curtain rods to hang quilts/blankets) or sold on many of the online sales sites for extra cash
in your pocket(one of my favs is www.lewisyardsales.com, look for a bookoo in your area)
*********PICS**********
The framed pictures are actually sheets from an old calendar I found at the Goodwill for a buck. Had the frames already, just switched out the pictures. The shelf was an ugly pinkish color I did a haphazard spray paint on. Another Thrift find for $2.50.
The picture of my dining room shows an old Avon collectibles (Dereks Grandmothers) we display and my grandmothers dresser (which lived through an apartment fire) I use now as a buffet.
Friday, October 22, 2010
girls (and boys) just wanna have fun
I know I've been Debbie Downer for a few weeks, and from what I hear, so have some of me sweet readers! Life is hectic. And hard. And often times unrewarding. It's human nature to get caught up in the rut and forget our many blessings. Negativity is contagious. But you know what else is? Laughter. And Fun.
I was inspired to have some good old fashioned fun from a Facebook friend who had a little vacay with her significant other. Every picture posted was smiles and good times and silliness,something I have really been missing lately. So last weekend, I took the opportunity to let loose, and I had one heck of a night. Possibly one of the best nights I've had in years.
It all started with a mandatory Military Formal. I usually dislike these events because it's like a high school prom. Only slightly more snobby. Noisy dresses, tight up-dos and wives riding the coattail of their decorated soldier. As my husband is an Officer, I am surrounded by wives who take these things waaaaaay too seriously. I am also forced to be in the same space as people who, for whatever reason (probably because I'm too fun)dislike me or like me too much.
So this Ball started pretty much the same way. I was miffed at the price of the tickets, irritated at the start time, and put out that my husband was tasked to aid a General, and was to accompany said General to the Ball instead of me! I was stag to my own husbands formal. So lame. Luckily, I was able to meet up with one of my single ladies in the parking lot to get a little Amaretto Sour courage. Now, I don't know if it was from the Rangers spanking the Yankees in game 3, or that I was looking (and feeling) fierce in my $60 dress,silky hair and mega-makeup, but once I hit that parking lot, I was READY for a good time. I usually have to get a little tanked to get through these things without saying something I'll regret to someone who thinks they're important, so first stop was the bar. Ahhh... the overpriced bar is my friend. And so is starting a tab. While working on my second drink in ten minutes, in walks one of my dearest friends, looking fabulous in a dress I loaned her, because like me, she too thinks it's ridiculous for a grown woman to wear Taffeta and fuck-me pumps. Then another friend and her husband meet me at the bar and the next thing I know I'm surrounded by good friends, laughter and FUN! Did I mention my husband was looking oh-so-good in his Dress Blues?
Somehow after party plans were made while sitting through the formal portion and oddly enough, WE were part of them. Oh trouble. But I'm getting ahead of myself... because once the formal portion was over, it was Patron and hot dancing to a bad DJ. I even got Derek to push me around the floor with a two-step. We felt the need for speed in our aviator glasses as we stole a friends camera, and Derek pimped out a coworker to the SGM on the dance floor! Oh.. the looks we got were incredible. Our behavior was offensive to some, I hear. I call those people assholes. Did we drink a bit too much? Maybe. Were we loud and obnoxious? Sure. Did we have fun? Hells yes!! Because that's what those things are for right? Comradeship? Fraternity? FUN? Who cares if I do the roger rabbit in my bare feet? If the Colonel and his wife are enjoying the dance floor and gettin' their groove on, why shouldn't I? And ohhh Lord how I did. I think I danced to every good song... when I wasn't at the bar. I even interrupted a conversation to hit it to Ice Ice Baby. We basically closed the place down... I was getting nervous they would run out of top shelf vodka! Just when we thought it was time to head to the car to sober up with the Better Cheddars and Monster I had stashed, we found ourselves en route to Tacoma to meet up at a friends house and walk over to the meat market known as the Swiss. First off, a big shout out to our LDS friends the Louks for being non-drinkers and awesome DD's!Secondly, Liz, your apartment was the perfect distance from fun to home.
So after using shitty kitchen shears to hack up a friends formal dress and make it club appropriate, we were off( me and D still in ball gear) to shake shake shake shake a-shake it some more. Now, the great thing about going to a club as a 35 year old, is you realize what a dipshit you were at 25 and make amends with it. And man, it must have been cougar night fo sho! The people watching was amazing, but the laughter from our table was the BEST. So much fun had in one night, I can't even tell the whole story on one little blog. Great friends, good fun and LOTS of laughs was exactly what I needed to lift the funk I was in.
So if you start to feel the stress of too much real life, grab some friends put on your Sketchers and head out for a good time. And if you're like me, you won't come home 'till 3am!
I was inspired to have some good old fashioned fun from a Facebook friend who had a little vacay with her significant other. Every picture posted was smiles and good times and silliness,something I have really been missing lately. So last weekend, I took the opportunity to let loose, and I had one heck of a night. Possibly one of the best nights I've had in years.
It all started with a mandatory Military Formal. I usually dislike these events because it's like a high school prom. Only slightly more snobby. Noisy dresses, tight up-dos and wives riding the coattail of their decorated soldier. As my husband is an Officer, I am surrounded by wives who take these things waaaaaay too seriously. I am also forced to be in the same space as people who, for whatever reason (probably because I'm too fun)dislike me or like me too much.
So this Ball started pretty much the same way. I was miffed at the price of the tickets, irritated at the start time, and put out that my husband was tasked to aid a General, and was to accompany said General to the Ball instead of me! I was stag to my own husbands formal. So lame. Luckily, I was able to meet up with one of my single ladies in the parking lot to get a little Amaretto Sour courage. Now, I don't know if it was from the Rangers spanking the Yankees in game 3, or that I was looking (and feeling) fierce in my $60 dress,silky hair and mega-makeup, but once I hit that parking lot, I was READY for a good time. I usually have to get a little tanked to get through these things without saying something I'll regret to someone who thinks they're important, so first stop was the bar. Ahhh... the overpriced bar is my friend. And so is starting a tab. While working on my second drink in ten minutes, in walks one of my dearest friends, looking fabulous in a dress I loaned her, because like me, she too thinks it's ridiculous for a grown woman to wear Taffeta and fuck-me pumps. Then another friend and her husband meet me at the bar and the next thing I know I'm surrounded by good friends, laughter and FUN! Did I mention my husband was looking oh-so-good in his Dress Blues?
Somehow after party plans were made while sitting through the formal portion and oddly enough, WE were part of them. Oh trouble. But I'm getting ahead of myself... because once the formal portion was over, it was Patron and hot dancing to a bad DJ. I even got Derek to push me around the floor with a two-step. We felt the need for speed in our aviator glasses as we stole a friends camera, and Derek pimped out a coworker to the SGM on the dance floor! Oh.. the looks we got were incredible. Our behavior was offensive to some, I hear. I call those people assholes. Did we drink a bit too much? Maybe. Were we loud and obnoxious? Sure. Did we have fun? Hells yes!! Because that's what those things are for right? Comradeship? Fraternity? FUN? Who cares if I do the roger rabbit in my bare feet? If the Colonel and his wife are enjoying the dance floor and gettin' their groove on, why shouldn't I? And ohhh Lord how I did. I think I danced to every good song... when I wasn't at the bar. I even interrupted a conversation to hit it to Ice Ice Baby. We basically closed the place down... I was getting nervous they would run out of top shelf vodka! Just when we thought it was time to head to the car to sober up with the Better Cheddars and Monster I had stashed, we found ourselves en route to Tacoma to meet up at a friends house and walk over to the meat market known as the Swiss. First off, a big shout out to our LDS friends the Louks for being non-drinkers and awesome DD's!Secondly, Liz, your apartment was the perfect distance from fun to home.
So after using shitty kitchen shears to hack up a friends formal dress and make it club appropriate, we were off( me and D still in ball gear) to shake shake shake shake a-shake it some more. Now, the great thing about going to a club as a 35 year old, is you realize what a dipshit you were at 25 and make amends with it. And man, it must have been cougar night fo sho! The people watching was amazing, but the laughter from our table was the BEST. So much fun had in one night, I can't even tell the whole story on one little blog. Great friends, good fun and LOTS of laughs was exactly what I needed to lift the funk I was in.
So if you start to feel the stress of too much real life, grab some friends put on your Sketchers and head out for a good time. And if you're like me, you won't come home 'till 3am!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
CRAFT TIME
Ahhh... Fall.The changing colors of the trees, cooler weather and sweaters. The best thing about Fall, though? HALLOWEEN! My favorite holiday. "Why?", you ask. No, not because I love scary, gory creeps and crawlies, although those things are fun. I have always felt that Halloween ushers in the whole Holiday season, even if it doesn't get the full credit.
Every year at this time, the weather starts to change, I get my soup recipes out and we have a family ritual of going through our Halloween/Fall storage boxes and finding treasures we forgot we had. Yes, we decorate for Halloween. Not just pumpkins and fake spider webbing, either. I have scarecrows and light up jack-o-lanterns; Fall wreaths and random craft the kids make. I love to take a trip to the Goodwill and see what fantastic thing I can find to make my own. This year, I was inspired by Dia de los Muertos, also known as Day of the Dead (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead). While I'm not of Mexican heritage, I have always been moved by this celebration of life. Our family has experienced our fair share of death and sadness, and I think that this observance is a wonderful way to honor those who have passed on. So, as a way to blend my love of Halloween and appreciation of the Dia de los Muertos holiday, we did a little family craft to start our own shrine. I'll be adding to this as the month goes on, but here are our crafts to start.
* the "Sugar Skulls" Are some black and gray glitter Styrofoam skulls I picked up at Ross for like 3 bucks. We added some patches(with glue) and some glitter paint to pizzaz them up. I think they turned out pretty awesome.
* The bucket was a Goodwill find that I spray painted black and decoupaged some Day of the Dead images I found online at http://www.fabricfreak.bigcartel.com and motherhenna.blogspot.com. I added some butterfly stickers and some fake floral for fun.
* last is the candle holder. While it's not really Dia de los Muertos-ish, I thought it was super cool looking. Another Goodwill find, it was a scratched up silver-y, brass-y that a sprayed black and added a large pillar I had laying around. It will fit a taper as well. I like the attached flame snuffer, I think it adds a Gothic charm that is always great for this time of year and it will make a cool backdrop for the framed pictures of our loved ones we plan to display.
I'm not a very crafty person, but Halloween seems to be my muse, and the kids are really into it too! This weekend: finishing up the costumes for the kids. I'm so excited this year. Ruby is going as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas and Gracie is The Corpse Bride. This is gonna be an EPIC Halloween!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
love is a battlefield
I think this blog is about to get a little too personal, but it is, after all, supposed to be not only cathartic, but practice for the real deal so here goes.
So I have been feeling a little off lately. OK, no. That's a lie. I've been feeling fed up and sick and tired and just plain DONE. I've even been pondering, for the last week or so, a change in my marital status. I don't think I really thought the "D" word, but I did ponder separation, and the logistics of that kind of decision.
Let's rewind. Let me take you back 14 years ago when I, a young single mom working as a waitress married a ridiculously good looking young Marine. We thought we could survive off of love, BAH and Taco Bell. And we did. We moved to Texas, bought a house, had two more beautiful kids and life was working. For a while. But then it wasn't. We lost our jobs, had to sell our house and nearly lost our minds. But we managed to get through it together. Was it love? Stubbornness? Craziness?
And for that last few years, we've been reintroducing ourselves to each other every time Derek returns home from another deployment. I would be lying again if I said that the every-other-year separation doesn't take it's toll. Because it does. With each deployment I became more self sufficient, and while some people may think that is an oxymoron for a Housewife, it's unforgivingly true.Sometimes, when you're the only one here to get things done, you get used to not depending on another person for help. Not even the person you promised to be a partner in life with. No one is at fault here, it's just the nature of the beast. And the beast doesn't give two shits about how it effects your marriage.
So here we are, back to me contemplating this thing called marriage. See, 14 years later, I'm far too smart, or learned, or worldly to believe that you can count on love to make it work, because I do love my husband and the thought of living my life without him in it is paralyzing. But I guess my unhappiness stems from not knowing what role we actually play in each others lives anymore. We're hardly partners. Are we friends with benefits? Are we in some sort of marital limbo, where we go through the motions, but we don't actually progress or evolve? Would we be better not together than we are together? And I guess my biggest question is; are my doubts normal?
BIG SIGH... 14 years is going to produce peaks and valleys, and we've always weathered the storms together. At the end of the day, I know divorce isn't an option. I don't want it to be, and even if I have contemplated it,I would never uproot my kids, nor would I ever want Derek to be a weekend dad.
And I love him. Godammit I love that man with my whole heart and regardless of how hard it is to be with him sometimes, it's always twice as hard to be without him.
I just laughed out loud, realizing, you can survive on love. I'm doing it right now. And I have my Blog to prove it.
So I have been feeling a little off lately. OK, no. That's a lie. I've been feeling fed up and sick and tired and just plain DONE. I've even been pondering, for the last week or so, a change in my marital status. I don't think I really thought the "D" word, but I did ponder separation, and the logistics of that kind of decision.
Let's rewind. Let me take you back 14 years ago when I, a young single mom working as a waitress married a ridiculously good looking young Marine. We thought we could survive off of love, BAH and Taco Bell. And we did. We moved to Texas, bought a house, had two more beautiful kids and life was working. For a while. But then it wasn't. We lost our jobs, had to sell our house and nearly lost our minds. But we managed to get through it together. Was it love? Stubbornness? Craziness?
And for that last few years, we've been reintroducing ourselves to each other every time Derek returns home from another deployment. I would be lying again if I said that the every-other-year separation doesn't take it's toll. Because it does. With each deployment I became more self sufficient, and while some people may think that is an oxymoron for a Housewife, it's unforgivingly true.Sometimes, when you're the only one here to get things done, you get used to not depending on another person for help. Not even the person you promised to be a partner in life with. No one is at fault here, it's just the nature of the beast. And the beast doesn't give two shits about how it effects your marriage.
So here we are, back to me contemplating this thing called marriage. See, 14 years later, I'm far too smart, or learned, or worldly to believe that you can count on love to make it work, because I do love my husband and the thought of living my life without him in it is paralyzing. But I guess my unhappiness stems from not knowing what role we actually play in each others lives anymore. We're hardly partners. Are we friends with benefits? Are we in some sort of marital limbo, where we go through the motions, but we don't actually progress or evolve? Would we be better not together than we are together? And I guess my biggest question is; are my doubts normal?
BIG SIGH... 14 years is going to produce peaks and valleys, and we've always weathered the storms together. At the end of the day, I know divorce isn't an option. I don't want it to be, and even if I have contemplated it,I would never uproot my kids, nor would I ever want Derek to be a weekend dad.
And I love him. Godammit I love that man with my whole heart and regardless of how hard it is to be with him sometimes, it's always twice as hard to be without him.
I just laughed out loud, realizing, you can survive on love. I'm doing it right now. And I have my Blog to prove it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
the definition of a Housewife
Ever googled the word "Housewife"? Wikipedia dumbs it down to "... a married female who does not work outside the home." Funny, because I feel as though I work my ass off from 7:30 am to 10:30 pm most days,and my car would agree. Merriam-Webster states I am a "married woman in charge of a household." Is it strange that none of the definitions say anything about being a maid? Or a doormat. But conversely that is exactly how I have felt lately.
I run a home, not a restaurant. What I make for dinner is what you will eat. If you have somehow become repulsed by the food I have spent years perfecting to your tastes, make yourself a sandwich. In case you don't know, I actually spend several hours a week planning a menu, clipping coupons and revolving our dinner choices around your suggestions.
I'm not a maid. I will do the laundry, vacuum, and all the other random chores that need to be done, because I "run a household". You all have chores, DO THEM. When you drop/spill/break something, clean it up. We don't have an "oops" fairy, if you notice your pencil shavings have vanished from the floor where you left them, I CLEANED IT UP. I took time away from the items on my "TO DO" list, to clean up after you.
My time is just as important as your time. I don't actually sit and wait for you to have a problem you need me to fix. If I worked outside the home, would I get as many calls and texts regarding randoms "emergencies". The answer is HELL TO THE NO. If I am in the middle of something, don't interrupt me. If you need something done ASAP, you should have told me about it when you actually found out about it. I do not mind helping you, but don't expect me to drop what I am doing to fix your problem unless you're bleeding or vomiting. This includes when i am away from the house or in the bathroom.
Just like a park, the house should be left in better condition than you found it. I spend a good portion of my day undoing the living that goes on in our domicile. I'm not asking you to clean the toilet with your toothbrush,but I don't want to walk through the house at ten o'clock and find messes all over the area I spent cleaning.
Learn to communicate. I am not a translator nor should I need to mediate every conversation. If your question starts by asking me something about someone else in this household i want you to do this : Stop. Think about what you're going to say. Ask the appropriate person. In the really real world, you bring up your issues to people directly.
Lastly, I have feelings too. I am not here to be your punching bag. I work VERY hard to ensure you have what you need.I shop for you, I clean for you, I pick up random odds and ends, I drop off forgotten lunches. I bring you goodies when you need them, I send you encouraging words when I know you have stress. I put you in your place when you need some grounding and I teach you that the world isn't fair, you will get hurt or angry or disappointed, but you will always have a family that loves you. While I do it because I love you, it doesn't mean that you should take it for granted. Everyone needs to feel appreciated.
Even Housewives.
I run a home, not a restaurant. What I make for dinner is what you will eat. If you have somehow become repulsed by the food I have spent years perfecting to your tastes, make yourself a sandwich. In case you don't know, I actually spend several hours a week planning a menu, clipping coupons and revolving our dinner choices around your suggestions.
I'm not a maid. I will do the laundry, vacuum, and all the other random chores that need to be done, because I "run a household". You all have chores, DO THEM. When you drop/spill/break something, clean it up. We don't have an "oops" fairy, if you notice your pencil shavings have vanished from the floor where you left them, I CLEANED IT UP. I took time away from the items on my "TO DO" list, to clean up after you.
My time is just as important as your time. I don't actually sit and wait for you to have a problem you need me to fix. If I worked outside the home, would I get as many calls and texts regarding randoms "emergencies". The answer is HELL TO THE NO. If I am in the middle of something, don't interrupt me. If you need something done ASAP, you should have told me about it when you actually found out about it. I do not mind helping you, but don't expect me to drop what I am doing to fix your problem unless you're bleeding or vomiting. This includes when i am away from the house or in the bathroom.
Just like a park, the house should be left in better condition than you found it. I spend a good portion of my day undoing the living that goes on in our domicile. I'm not asking you to clean the toilet with your toothbrush,but I don't want to walk through the house at ten o'clock and find messes all over the area I spent cleaning.
Learn to communicate. I am not a translator nor should I need to mediate every conversation. If your question starts by asking me something about someone else in this household i want you to do this : Stop. Think about what you're going to say. Ask the appropriate person. In the really real world, you bring up your issues to people directly.
Lastly, I have feelings too. I am not here to be your punching bag. I work VERY hard to ensure you have what you need.I shop for you, I clean for you, I pick up random odds and ends, I drop off forgotten lunches. I bring you goodies when you need them, I send you encouraging words when I know you have stress. I put you in your place when you need some grounding and I teach you that the world isn't fair, you will get hurt or angry or disappointed, but you will always have a family that loves you. While I do it because I love you, it doesn't mean that you should take it for granted. Everyone needs to feel appreciated.
Even Housewives.
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