Technology

I honestly believe that technology will be to blame for the downfall of our society. I know, it sounds so very James Cameron of me, but everything is done via computer chip these days. We bank online, we bill pay online,we go to school online, we make appointments online, we do our taxes and we even communicate with loved ones online. Our pictures, recipes, phone books are all on our computers. How many of you have important documents on your hard drive? And don't get me started on my cell phone. I honestly only have one phone number in my cell phone book memorized, and i literally take it with me everywhere except the shower. When I leave the house, I check things in this order: Phone, military ID, kids. It's ridiculous how dependent I am on my cell phone, my computer and WIFI, but in my defense, its this stupid technology that keeps me connected with my constantly deployed husband. I HAVE to keep my phone by my side, as he could call me at any time, and nothing is worse than missing a chance to hear your deployed spouses voice. And I have to check my computer 75 times a day to see if he's emailed me, updated his Facebook status, or is on yahoo. So I guess in reality, technology is a wonderful thing, but when it doesn't work, the headache, heartache and plain old frustration it causes is crazy. Ever spent half a day trying to set up a network, or troubleshooting wy your computer isn't picking up the wireless signal? Or ever dropped everything to run to the cell phone store because your cell phone stopped working and you cant wait 24 hours to see if it will fix itself because you need a working cell phone NOW!!I'm almost ashamed at my addiction, and at the same time, am frustrated that I don't yet own a smartphone! I only recently got a DVR, and until this year we remained a one TV family. I know, I can hear the virtual gasp. Oh technology, I love you so, but at the end of the day, if you break, stop functioning within the realm of my knowledge, or need yet another upgrade, I am lost in a sea of panic and confusion. We can't go back to the way things were, I wouldn't even want to. But I know I want all memories back off my corrupted hard drive.

life and other mishaps

Today started off more pleasant than normal, but slowly, near silently ended in epic fail. How does this even happen? How can we go from bliss to stress in a matter of hours? Life, that's how. The unforeseeable future. It always rears its ugly head just when we're at our happiest, testing our strength, our resolve, our sanity. It comes in the form of mouthy teenagers, cluttered garages and financial aid offices that don't return calls. Sometimes life is something like an overgrown backyard, that takes some elbow grease and putting your back into it. Other times, it's a broken down car that could have used some TLC yesterday to keep it running today. Ahhh and this is where the 20/20 of hindsight comes in. Sometimes we see life coming right at us, and we ignore the signs. We get cocky. We think life wont do it to us again. We're above it. Life is an equal opportunity pain in the ass. And most times, Life succeeds in fucking shit up. But after Life's rampage, it always leaves us with clarity, accomplishment and perseverance.
Friedrich Nietzsche said "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger" . Very True. It doesn't kills us,it pisses us off. But it does make us stronger. So here's to the unforeseeable future; you may have ruffled my feathers and raised my blood pressure, but you didn't break me. Not today, anyway.

i think i feel a fever coming on

ok, here we go. In light of today's political events, which I'm sure half of the nation didn't even realize was happening, I feel the need to address, or at the very least wax opinionated, about health care. I don't want to get into a political debate, and this blog was never meant to be a political forum for me or my sweet reader, so I will say my peace and leave it at that.

I am definitely not against health care reform. But I am also for being an advocate for your own health, and being PROACTIVE in your health care. I am afraid this bill will make it tougher for the normal Joe to actually get his issues treated correctly, promptly and to his satisfaction. I can give you a PERFECT example of this. Ready? Take notes:

I have government health care. My husband is in the Army, I go to an Army clinic. Now, this clinic has a mix of Army and civilian practitioners, but the Doctors are still Government employees. I have an issue with my left arm. One day its just not working properly. After some internet research, and family background investigating, I come to the conclusion that I have some sort of Neuropathy. I call my insurance 800 number to make an appointment, and I am told I MUST see my Primary Care Manager (PCM) to get a referral, and the next appointment isn't for 8 days. I cant go 8 days with my arm this weak, I explain, and also, I might need to have an MRI. They get me an appointment to the Air Force clinic for that afternoon. I am somewhat relieved I am being seen, but this is not my PCM, I fear I wont get my referral, and even if I do, I HAVE to see my PCM for a follow-up, and will have to go through the exact same office visit with someone else. I also have to double check that my chart and information gets sent to my clinic. For some reason I am not allowed to hand deliver MY OWN chart information. So I see this doc, and thankfully he does get me a referral to a neurologist and for an MRI. WOO HOO. I have to wait 48 hours for my referral to go through, and when i call and check , they give my the neurologist across the street! Things are looking very good, I'm getting excited because i feel like i'm going to get to the bottom of why I cant lift my purse onto my shoulder. So I see this offpost Dr.and he basically tells me there is nothing wrong with me. Its all in me head, he doesn't see an issue, even after I show him several examples of how I cant lift my freakin arm :( He asks me to come back for a follow up after I get my MRI results. Not likely I think to myself. Now for my MRI, I had to wait almost a week, but in the defense of the MRI place, I could have gotten in sooner if I would have come in for an MRI between 1am-3:30am. I go in for my traumatizing MRI of my head, and when its over, I am told they will send my results to my PCM. I explain I need to take a hard copy with me, as I am seeing a neurologist off post. This is a no go, as the person who makes the copies is gone for the day (it's 5pm on Friday) BUT I can get it on Tuesday (3 day weekend) after 12:00 pm if I go to Madigan (our Army Hospital). So, I wait the weekend, after waiting all week, to find out if I have brain trauma causing my arm to function improperly. It was a little stressful. Tuesday arrives, and I drive over to Madigan, get lost three different times looking for the place i need to be, but finally after a 20 minute wait I get the results of my MRI, on a disc which I am supposed to take to my PCM OR my neurologist to have explained to me. Grrrrrr. So I call BOTH. I cant get in to see my PCM for 4 days, and the neurologist scheduled me for that week already, for a different issue, but I am told to bring my disk along and he will review it and get back to me. REALLY??? The next day, I get a voice mail from the Air Force clinic (thanks for sending it to my PCM like you said you would), with my results, which I am told look "O-kaaaaay" in the sense that it isnt perfect. So, I am now scared.
Come to find out, i had a sinus cyst, but my brain looked normal. Great news!!! Except for the fact that my arm is still jacked up, and now I get to start from square one which is trying to get in to see my PCM, for my fifteen minute window of an appointment, to try to figure out again what the hell is wrong with my arm.

For any of you who are still with me at this point, thanks for hanging in there. I know that was a boring, long-winded tale. and I have many more just like it. Kiss getting your sick kid into the doc on the same day goodbye. Kiss personal service goodbye.
Right now, this very moment take responsibility for your health. Don't wait. Be aggressive about getting your questions answered, and for the love of Christ, don't assume your Doc knows you better than you know you!

Here's to the downward spiral of, not only health care as we know it, but society.

good luck

parenting

my hiatus is over...

Ever see that Spongebob episode where squidward punches himself in the face? If you haven't, yuotube that shit, its hilarious. If you HAVE then you will most likely get my parenting analogy.
Parenting is much like punching yourself in the face...or maybe what i mean to say is parenting makes you WANT to punch yourself in the face?
Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my kids, and I realize how blessed I am to be able to be home with them. I don't have to miss out on meetings, or call in when they're sick, I don't have the stress of juggling home life and a career, because thus far, they ARE my career. I love this life. I really do. But the last few weeks have been trying to say the least. Maybe its the stress of deployment, we are actually able to count in single digit weeks, and we ALL just want it to be over. Maybe I've got too much on my plate and haven't made quality time with them a priority. OR Maybe my kids are being disrespectful little turds, in need of some good old fashioned discipline. We've run the gamut here lately from sassy talk, farting at the dinner table, interrupting mid-lecture, the other day, Ruby actually pulled an Ace Ventura butt talk on me, mocking my nagging. WTF? There is only so much pillow screaming one mom can do before she just starts to lose it. And the sad part is, i only have myself to blame for their awfulness, as I have been the lone parent. So when Gracie says "dammit" when she drops something, that's entirely on me. When Ruby rolls her eyes, or argues back, it's my attitude coming back to bite me. And When Patience talk to me like I'm her peer, and not with the respect she should have for the woman who brought her into this world, I see myself talking at my mother.. the same disrespect and selfishness. As all you mothers who read this can attest, my childrens' failures are my failures, because my job is to raise them, and all that that implies. But today, I also remembered that what that also implies is discipline and punishment. Providing consequence for action. Follow through. Ahhhh, so much easier said then done, right? So after a rough nite of parental mistakes and failures I feel the need to vent
Why do I have to ask you 5 times to put your plate in the sink, when i did the same thing yesterday? Putting your plate in the sink isn't a new task. I didn't just come up with this rule. Where so dirty clothes go? That's right, in the dirty clothes basket. If you know this, why is it nearly impossible for you to put it into action? Since when is it ok to bite/hit/put your sister in a box? Why did I just pull 6 DIFFERENT dirty socks from your dresser? And WHY do you want me to yell at you? If I ask you to do a task, do it NOW. Not at your leisure, dont ask your sister to do it, and for heaves sake DON"T complain about how much YOU do around here. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pick your shit up and put it AWAY!!!
Whew, see what i mean about punching yourself in the face?

Tomorrow I turn over a new leaf. It will be less yelling and threatening, and more follow through. I refuse to be the woman with a**holy kids acting like heathens. I will instill respect and, with luck, humbleness and gratitude. And if I fail... I can blame it on the Army and the deployment rotations :)
Wish me luck!!

Discovering a passion

The title is misleading. This isnt so much about me finding my passion as it is about me nurturing passion found.
A few days ago, Gracie watched some Ice Skating highlights, and proudly announced she wants to go to the Olympics as an Ice Skater. Now that I think of it, I think it was Johnny Weirs' black and pink ensemble that caught her attention. "Awwww, how cute", I thought and started asking her all sorts of what-if style questions about her future role as an Olympian. We played "make believe ice skater" for a while before bed and she made me promise to sign her up for lessons. I thought this would be perfect scheduling, since Ruby has been begging me for like a year to also sign her up for ice skating lessons. I started reveling in the idea of them having lessons on the same day, and how much time would be saved not shuffling them around to different activities. Both girls have been talking nonstop about it for days. Every Wednesday they ask to go to "cheap-skate" night at the local rink.I usually come up with some crappy excuse not to go. My excuses are over.
Today we went down to the rink with some friends, and for the first time I realized, this isn't just and activity. This is something they LOVE to do.And they're pretty good at it. Have you ever witnessed your kids be fearless? Its amazing. Its a perfect moment. As Mothers (and Fathers too), we strive to raise self sustaining, GOOD and DECENT humans. And to be there in a moment where your kids are passionate and free is just amazing. I had that blessed moment today, and it made me think; maybe I am raising and Olympic athlete. All those kids had were passion, determination and a parent who saw those two things and nurtured it. Do I have what it takes to be a devoted, run-me-all-over-town Ice skater mom? I don't know. I am looking forward to finding out.
Maybe this is about discovering my passion after all.

slacking

Its Friday night, and i'm about four long blinks from being asleep for the night (at 9:45). The two things keeping me awake are my usual 10:30 date with Derek via yahoo messenger, and the need to get some blog time in.

I'm hoping to tackle some military spouse issues very soon, but until i get down to a routine, my sweet readers will have to survive on little anecdotes of my crazy days.

I have come to the conclusion that I am raising a Diva. No, not Patience, my 16 year old. Gracie, our baby, turned 6 on Wednesday. I started the day a little melancholy, thinking this was the last 6th birthday we were going to celebrate in the Foster household. But as the morning progressed, that lament turned into relief, as Gracie proceeded to let everyone know it was her "special" day and basically we were all to bow to her majesty. She scolded my dad for not buying her a gift (he did, in fact get her a gift), while waiting for daddy to log onto yahoo after breakfast, she yelled at the computer that he was "wasting her morning" and that she couldn't and SHOULDN'T have to wait to open her gifts. When he finally did log on, she opened Pates presents with a "wow, thanks, a book" spoken in her best sarcastic. When I picked her and Ruby up from school, I used the drive up line, rather than the park and pick-up routine, and was promptly met with "What took you so long?". I explained that I had been running around all afternoon for HER "special" day, and i wasn't wearing a rain jacket, therefore i chose not to wait out in the rain. I also had to tell her that I had trouble setting up her brand new leapster, so she would have to wait until after dinner to play. The waterworks started. THe howls of discontent began and the dissatisfaction with my ability to do erupted. The birthday girl ended up spending the afternoon of her "special" day sitting on her bed in her room, having some quiet time to reflect on her piss poor attitude.
Part of me secretly wished she might sail off and become the queen of the wild things. As it is, you can never stay upset with a dramatic 6 year old for long.I gave her a reprieve after about 40 minutes, so we could enjoy the best birthday corned beef ever, and continued to cater to our little attitude adjusted princess the rest of the evening, ending the night with few rounds on the leapster, and a tag book in bed. And as she snuggled up to me, I did kinda wish, just for a second, I could freeze that moment and keep her my baby just a little bit longer.

the deployment bed

I figured since my blog name is the Manic MILITARY wife, I should write about something military-esque. I mean, it just makes sense, right?

While on the phone with Derek this afternoon, we broached on a subject that I find so comical, yet I can really only commiserate with my other military spouse friends, because the humor is lost on those who have their loved one next to them each night. Try and follow along.

Derek has had trouble sleeping lately, which I find so hard to believe because when at home, he is usually snoring before I've gotten myself comfortable. So, aside from rude building mates and random maintenance,he really just misses being home. I on the other hand, am just the opposite. I have been sleeping like a freakin' rock. Dead to the world until my alarm goes off, most nights barely noticing one of the kids climbing in to the empty space reserved usually as "Derek's side". But it wasn't always like this, and so is the evolution of the deployment bed.

Deployment Uno - When Derek first deployed, the first time, we had spent only a few days apart EVER in our marriage. Weird right? So when he first left, I couldn't sleep to save my life. Which was unfortunate, because I was working, had an infant, a toddler and a tween. Sleep wasn't something i could afford to miss out on. It took me quite a while before I was able to get into a bedtime routine for myself. That first deployment, I read the ENTIRE Left Behind Series.That's how much i didn't
sleep. I guess I didn't move much, either, because all I had to do in the morning to make my bed, was smooth MY side. Derek's side was virtually untouched. It took about 12 seconds to pull the comforter up to the pillows, fold back and tuck. I didn't move from my safe corner of the bed. Ever.

Deployment Deux - this deployment came a little sooner than we would have liked (i guess all do)as we had barely spent 7 months living together (2 moves to make it happen)and were just getting back into the routine of co-habitating. We had only lived here in Washington a few months, and although we lived on post, it was still a transition. I didn't really know anyone, and while i felt safer, bedtime was still hard. I literally didn't go back to my room until I was about to fall asleep. this, though, was a 15 month deployment, and although I wasn't keen on sleeping alone, I developed a soft spot for the middle of the bed. Making the bed got a little more involved, but it wasn't that bad. After all, I was starting to realize how everyone else in the house enjoyed my bed.

Deployment this one - I am ALL OVER this mutha . Like, for real. I wake up with the blankets crooked, pillows on the floor. It's a crazy mess. And when the kids climb in it's worse! I sleep hard and sound. And i enjoy my space. If the kids are in here and even THINK of crossing over to "my side", it's on.I'm not nice about it, either. I sleep spread out, scrunched to the footboard, diagonal, you name it. In the morning, it takes a good 5 full minutes to get the bed in organized fashion.

So, while I am counting down the minutes until I get to lay next to my hubby again, I think I might be a little nervous about my ability to share my beautifully comfortable space. This Queen size bed is starting to seem a little snug, now that I'm imagining another adult taking up space. Hmmm... Maybe I can claim some of "Derek's side" without him noticing?